What do we do on Fridays, boys and girls? Follow-up! That's right!
Sorry, I got all kid-game-show-host on you for a minute. It's gone now; it can't hurt us anymore. Welcome to another installment of Follow-Up Fridays. We have some FUing to do on this F, so let's get right to it.
First off, we have a License Plate Frame Report. We've all seen many of those "My other car..." frames and bumper stickers, and I've never quite gotten them. They fall into three categories mainly. One, the "My other car is a Porsche" variety. So...what? Am I supposed to look at that and think, "Wow, he may not be driving a Porsche right now, but I know he has one so that guy's cool"? I really don't get it. Two, "the other mode of transportation" variety, in which the other car is a bicycle, plane, or the ever-popular broom. Ha, that's some high comedy right there. (Oops, my sarcasm meter is beeping rather loudly; it must be picking something up.) Lastly, there are the bizarre ones. I went online and saw: "My other ride is your mom," "My other car is also a piece of shit," "My other auto is a .38 Special," "My other car ran over a terrorist!" and "My other car was assimilated by The Borg." Ah, what glorious choices the internets make available to the public. (As an aside, why did the other car run over the terrorist? Was he afraid that we'd check for little bits of terrorist in the grill of his truck and then, upon not finding any, call him a liar? Does he have "This car ran over a terrorist!" on that car?)
Anyway, the one I saw this past week falls under the third category, but doesn't have the same creepy quality as some of those. On the top part of the frame, it read, "My Other Car," and on the bottom, "Was Stolen." How sad is that? Being on a frame is so much better than a sticker for that one, because I had to pause just a little in the middle to see how it was going to end. I really liked it, but I wish I had noted what kind of car it was. Silly Peter.
Moving on! Reader Melissa pointed out in the comments section that she's seen women's underwear with words on them, including "sexxy" (sic). You see that, I used (sic)! I'm so proud of myself. Sorry. Anyway, what bothers me about the trend is that on several occasions, I've seen young ladies in shorts or jumpsuit-type pants with "JUICY" written across the ass section. I don't like that. I can appreciate a nice heiny like the rest of the world, but "juicy" isn't a word I like to associate with butts. To me, "juicy" implies that one can squeeze it and get juice. Yes, I know that sounds disgusting, and that's precisely why I don't like seeing that. I feel like I should walk up to someone wearing those pants and say, "Excuse me, but you might want to get that ass drained before it leaks all over the place." Maybe they'd then see how disgusting that comes across to me. Am I way off on this, gentle readers? Let me know, and if any of you actually own said shorts or pants, what's the rationale that I'm missing? Is the “Juicy” brand that cool that it supersedes the nasty factor?
Next up, I wrote about my favorite sounds, number, and color. I have a least-favorite I'd like to share with you: the letter H. More specifically, it is the letter whose pronunciation bothers me the most. I have nothing against it in words (even though I don't have any in my entire name), but I don't like how we say that letter.
With consonants in our language, almost every single one is said as the sound that letter makes plus a vowel sound. It's either a soft vowel before it, like F, L, M, N, R, S, or X or a long vowel after it, like B, C, D, G, J, K, P, Q, T, V, or Z. That only leaves three consonants who don't comply: W, Y, and H. W is in a class by itself as an oddball since it was first used as a double V in the 7th century and then grew into the letter we know and love. Y is different too; it's a consonant sound plus the sound it makes when it's acting as a vowel. Since it has so many roles in our language, I give it a pass here too. But H..."aitch"...what the hell is that about? By the other rules, shouldn't it have to be either "hay" or "he"? It's like someone said, "Well, it's 'eta' in Greek and 'hache' in Spanish, so let's just combine them and hopefully no one will notice." Well I noticed, Mr. Alphabet Maker, and I'm not picking up what you're putting down. I'm calling it "he" from now on. Who's coming with me?
Lastly, you may recall in my "Checking it Twice" post that there are famous people who I don't like. Somehow, I know not how, I forgot a name on there: Joan "Oh My God I'm Annoying" Rivers. Look out Kirstie Alley and French Stewart, there's a new sheriff in town...and she's had more facelifts than La Sagrada Familia basilica in Barcelona. Oh, snap! I'm busting out the Gaudi architecture reference on your ass! Wait, your ass doesn't happen to be juicy, does it? Whew, that was close.
Have one hell of a weekend, gentle readers. Please don't forget to write to ptklein@gmail.com with any thoughts, questions, dislikes, or bumper sticker reports for future FUFs.
Sorry, I got all kid-game-show-host on you for a minute. It's gone now; it can't hurt us anymore. Welcome to another installment of Follow-Up Fridays. We have some FUing to do on this F, so let's get right to it.
First off, we have a License Plate Frame Report. We've all seen many of those "My other car..." frames and bumper stickers, and I've never quite gotten them. They fall into three categories mainly. One, the "My other car is a Porsche" variety. So...what? Am I supposed to look at that and think, "Wow, he may not be driving a Porsche right now, but I know he has one so that guy's cool"? I really don't get it. Two, "the other mode of transportation" variety, in which the other car is a bicycle, plane, or the ever-popular broom. Ha, that's some high comedy right there. (Oops, my sarcasm meter is beeping rather loudly; it must be picking something up.) Lastly, there are the bizarre ones. I went online and saw: "My other ride is your mom," "My other car is also a piece of shit," "My other auto is a .38 Special," "My other car ran over a terrorist!" and "My other car was assimilated by The Borg." Ah, what glorious choices the internets make available to the public. (As an aside, why did the other car run over the terrorist? Was he afraid that we'd check for little bits of terrorist in the grill of his truck and then, upon not finding any, call him a liar? Does he have "This car ran over a terrorist!" on that car?)
Anyway, the one I saw this past week falls under the third category, but doesn't have the same creepy quality as some of those. On the top part of the frame, it read, "My Other Car," and on the bottom, "Was Stolen." How sad is that? Being on a frame is so much better than a sticker for that one, because I had to pause just a little in the middle to see how it was going to end. I really liked it, but I wish I had noted what kind of car it was. Silly Peter.
Moving on! Reader Melissa pointed out in the comments section that she's seen women's underwear with words on them, including "sexxy" (sic). You see that, I used (sic)! I'm so proud of myself. Sorry. Anyway, what bothers me about the trend is that on several occasions, I've seen young ladies in shorts or jumpsuit-type pants with "JUICY" written across the ass section. I don't like that. I can appreciate a nice heiny like the rest of the world, but "juicy" isn't a word I like to associate with butts. To me, "juicy" implies that one can squeeze it and get juice. Yes, I know that sounds disgusting, and that's precisely why I don't like seeing that. I feel like I should walk up to someone wearing those pants and say, "Excuse me, but you might want to get that ass drained before it leaks all over the place." Maybe they'd then see how disgusting that comes across to me. Am I way off on this, gentle readers? Let me know, and if any of you actually own said shorts or pants, what's the rationale that I'm missing? Is the “Juicy” brand that cool that it supersedes the nasty factor?
Next up, I wrote about my favorite sounds, number, and color. I have a least-favorite I'd like to share with you: the letter H. More specifically, it is the letter whose pronunciation bothers me the most. I have nothing against it in words (even though I don't have any in my entire name), but I don't like how we say that letter.
With consonants in our language, almost every single one is said as the sound that letter makes plus a vowel sound. It's either a soft vowel before it, like F, L, M, N, R, S, or X or a long vowel after it, like B, C, D, G, J, K, P, Q, T, V, or Z. That only leaves three consonants who don't comply: W, Y, and H. W is in a class by itself as an oddball since it was first used as a double V in the 7th century and then grew into the letter we know and love. Y is different too; it's a consonant sound plus the sound it makes when it's acting as a vowel. Since it has so many roles in our language, I give it a pass here too. But H..."aitch"...what the hell is that about? By the other rules, shouldn't it have to be either "hay" or "he"? It's like someone said, "Well, it's 'eta' in Greek and 'hache' in Spanish, so let's just combine them and hopefully no one will notice." Well I noticed, Mr. Alphabet Maker, and I'm not picking up what you're putting down. I'm calling it "he" from now on. Who's coming with me?
Lastly, you may recall in my "Checking it Twice" post that there are famous people who I don't like. Somehow, I know not how, I forgot a name on there: Joan "Oh My God I'm Annoying" Rivers. Look out Kirstie Alley and French Stewart, there's a new sheriff in town...and she's had more facelifts than La Sagrada Familia basilica in Barcelona. Oh, snap! I'm busting out the Gaudi architecture reference on your ass! Wait, your ass doesn't happen to be juicy, does it? Whew, that was close.
Have one hell of a weekend, gentle readers. Please don't forget to write to ptklein@gmail.com with any thoughts, questions, dislikes, or bumper sticker reports for future FUFs.
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