Hello and good morning, you web browsers with web browsers. You see what I did there? I know, sometimes my grasp of humor overwhelms you. It's ok, you're not alone. Here's the deal, gentle readers. As I write this, my lovely wife and I have not yet left for our Las Vegas weekend. I know we're going to have a wonderful time, because frankly, that's what we do. What I don't know, however, is what the makeup of this weekend will be.
Allow me to explain. I've been to Vegas more times than I can count since I turned 21. As I've written before, my buddies and I used to go a few times a year because it was relatively easy to do so. I went once with my lovely wife about eight years ago, but every other time has been without her because Vegas just isn't her thing.
I can tell you almost exactly what would happen on an hourly basis this upcoming weekend if it were me and my homies. Since this is a little getaway just with the wifey, it's uncharted territory. It will be wonderful, but notably different from my last dozen trips. No six-hour stretches at the same blackjack table, no Burger King at O'Shea's at four in the morning. Our itinerary is as follows: Get there Friday, eat at a Japanese restaurant Amber's co-worker recommended, see Zumanity Saturday night, drive home on the early side Sunday to avoid traffic. That's all I got. Therefore, I shall spend this post predicting what will happen this weekend. Then, before posting this on Monday, I will go back through it and say how accurate/inaccurate my predictions were. After all, you can't spell "predicted" without Peter. That just leaves you with "dicd" and no one wants that. Below I will list the Powerfully Bold Prediction By Peter (PBPBP) followed by the Trip's Real Unfolding of Events (TRUE).
PBPBP: We hit the road, and although there were a lot of cars around us, everything was still moving at a good pace. We realized that we probably could've made it to Barstow with the amount of gas we have, but since Amber had to pee, we stopped earlier to fill up and then again in Barstow for some food. We saw a Subway, but I seemed so happy with the thought of going to Del Taco that Amber talked herself into getting a chicken taco that ended up being decent. We got back on the beast that is the 15, and everything went smoothly until it slowed a little around Baker. It picked up again for a bit, and then remained steadily decent until we hit traffic in the outskirts of Vegas itself.
TRUE: I'm already wrong right out of the gates. Traffic was actually fine the whole way, so I got that going for me. My wife's bladder gave a record-setting performance though. Not only did we get to Barstow without her needing to pee, but she said she could wait all the way to Baker (another 60-odd miles). Also, we had enough snacks that we didn't eat anything except a cup of frozen yogurt. I was way off. I was right about me liking Del Taco at least.
PBPBP: I sucked up my discomfort and tried the "$20 upgrade trick," in which one folds a $20 in between the license and credit card while checking in and asks, "Are there any complimentary upgrades available?" The young gentleman checked but said they were unfortunately at capacity and he couldn't help me out. At least he returned the cash.
TRUE: Much closer this time; almost perfect in fact. I did suck up my discomfort and attempt the trick. There were no upgrades available and I did get the cash back. The only difference was that it was with a young lady instead of a young gentleman. She reacted as if every single person tries that trick, so I felt a little dumb, but that's ok.
PBPBP: The room was notably nicer than the last few I'd stayed in, and we put our stuff down and washed up a little. We then walked around the MGM for a while, and I sat down at a $10 blackjack table with $100 in chips. I hovered around even for a while, got down to $40 and made Amber uncomfortable, then cashed out with $80 at the end of the next shoe. Worth the price of entertainment, but I should've gotten something when the cocktail waitress came by.
TRUE: The room was notably nicer than the last few I'd stayed in, and we put our stuff down and washed up a little. We then walked around the MGM for a while, and we each put a $20 into some video poker machines. Unlike normal Vegas visitors, we cashed out once we were both ahead for a combined profit of $50. More than worth the price of entertainment (since they paid us), and we each had an Amstel Light.
PBPBP: We ate at the Japanese restaurant, and it was mighty tasty. Not as expensive as I would've imagined either. That's probably because I couldn't justify ordering much of their pricey alcohol when I can get it for a $1 tip just outside at the tables.
TRUE: The Japanese restaurant was more than just might tasty, it was spectacular. It seemed pretty expensive while we were ordering, but as far as nicer dinners go, the damage wasn't that bad. We split a large hot sake and talked about our food for the entire rest of the trip.
PBPBP: I gambled a little more that evening and was sitting at a net profit of $45. We walked around and looked at a couple of the nearby casinos that have sprung up since Amber's last trip to the Strip. We did a fair amount of people watching, successfully avoided the people trying to hand us porn pamphlets, and went to bed close to 1am, which is saying something since we got up in the 5s that morning.
TRUE: I gambled a little more that evening and we were sitting at a combined net profit of $75. We walked around and looked at a couple of the nearby casinos (Paris, New York New York, etc.) and were constantly accosted by massive cleavage. We did successfully avoid the porn handouts as predicted, although Amber thought it was unnecessary for me to say "No thank you" to each person instead of just shaking my head or ignoring them like everyone else did. We ended up going to bed somewhere in the 11s, which is hands-down a Peter-in-Vegas record. I often don't get there until 11 with my friends, and that's just when the stupid boy stuff gets rocking.
PBPBP: For Saturday, we spent about an hour and a half out at the pool in between breakfast and lunch. We walked around the Wynn, and I couldn't reach my friend who works there on her cell. We had an early dinner since Zumanity was at normal dinnertime. I mentioned that I knew where a Burger King was, but we ended up finding a little place in Paris to grab a sandwich. I think I would've preferred one at the BK Lounge, but it was ok.
TRUE: I'm off again, but hey, that's part of the point of this blog entry. I had no idea what to expect, so it makes sense that I'm not 100% accurate. We did go to the Wynn, but I didn't even try calling my friend. We also checked out the Venetian and some other casinos before grabbing lunch. I got Chipotle (mmmm, Chipotle) and Amber had a little Panda Express and some of my food. We hung out at the pool for a while and had a drink while watching drunk people act like morons (which is fun for both parties). For dinner, we ate at a Mexican restaurant in New York New York, right near where the show was.
PBPBP: Zumanity was great. Weird and highly-sexual, but great. The old dude next to me seemed a little more into it than I was comfortable with. The performers did things with the human body that most likely shouldn't be possible.
TRUE: Zumanity was enjoyable. Weird and highly-sexual, but enjoyable nonetheless. We knew it was the "sensual side" of the Cirque shows, so we were expecting a lot of suggestive acrobatic moves. While that was a part of it (and highly impressive), they also had some bizarre naked comedy routines thrown in there that confused me. No old dude next to me, so that's a big plus.
PBPBP: I gambled a little more that night and had a couple of Bud Lights before we headed back to the room, and I was now about even. I split 8s against a 6, and she hit to 21. Without that one hand, I would've still been ahead in the game. Amber played a couple of hands of blackjack but decided that she enjoyed nickel video poker more. She ended the night down $7.
TRUE: Nice try, Peter From Last Week. I played some blackjack and we played some video poker together, and we ended the night up $70. I had a couple Captain and Cokes, and we called it a night pretty early again. All told, I played less than half an hour of blackjack and won $85. Extrapolate that out, and I could make over $350,000 a year as a pro blackjack player (with weekends free, no less). Honey, I smell a career change.
PBPBP: Sunday morning, we packed up, grabbed a quick bite, and hit the road right before 10am. I thought about getting one more shoe of blackjack in but Amber reminded me that leaving even is like winning in Vegas. "They don't build these casinos by having people push," I added in agreement. Surprisingly, traffic was very light the whole way back, and that afforded us the luxury of vegging out for a couple of hours and doing laundry before having to get ready for the work-week. Ta-dah!
TRUE: Pretty close, actually. We grabbed a quick bite and headed out at almost exactly 10am. We each put in ten bucks for a final stab at video poker, figuring we'd either make more money or end up an even $50 for the trip. Yep, we ended up an even $50. Traffic was very light the entire ride, and we did a few loads of laundry to get all of that smoke out of the clothes.
So, my friends, that was the trip that was. The final verdict: We had a good time as expected. The trip was considerably different than ones with my friends, but it was nice to see what Vegas is like sober and well-fed. Even though she had a very nice time, Amber doesn't see herself wanting to go back anytime soon. Sometimes a little Vegas is enough to hold people over for a while. That said, she can totally understand how my friends and I have a blast every time.
I hope you all had wonderful weekends too, gentle readers. If any of you have seen Zumanity, please email me at ptklein@gmail.com with your thoughts on it. Have a great day, and I predict I'll see you here tomorrow.
Allow me to explain. I've been to Vegas more times than I can count since I turned 21. As I've written before, my buddies and I used to go a few times a year because it was relatively easy to do so. I went once with my lovely wife about eight years ago, but every other time has been without her because Vegas just isn't her thing.
I can tell you almost exactly what would happen on an hourly basis this upcoming weekend if it were me and my homies. Since this is a little getaway just with the wifey, it's uncharted territory. It will be wonderful, but notably different from my last dozen trips. No six-hour stretches at the same blackjack table, no Burger King at O'Shea's at four in the morning. Our itinerary is as follows: Get there Friday, eat at a Japanese restaurant Amber's co-worker recommended, see Zumanity Saturday night, drive home on the early side Sunday to avoid traffic. That's all I got. Therefore, I shall spend this post predicting what will happen this weekend. Then, before posting this on Monday, I will go back through it and say how accurate/inaccurate my predictions were. After all, you can't spell "predicted" without Peter. That just leaves you with "dicd" and no one wants that. Below I will list the Powerfully Bold Prediction By Peter (PBPBP) followed by the Trip's Real Unfolding of Events (TRUE).
PBPBP: We hit the road, and although there were a lot of cars around us, everything was still moving at a good pace. We realized that we probably could've made it to Barstow with the amount of gas we have, but since Amber had to pee, we stopped earlier to fill up and then again in Barstow for some food. We saw a Subway, but I seemed so happy with the thought of going to Del Taco that Amber talked herself into getting a chicken taco that ended up being decent. We got back on the beast that is the 15, and everything went smoothly until it slowed a little around Baker. It picked up again for a bit, and then remained steadily decent until we hit traffic in the outskirts of Vegas itself.
TRUE: I'm already wrong right out of the gates. Traffic was actually fine the whole way, so I got that going for me. My wife's bladder gave a record-setting performance though. Not only did we get to Barstow without her needing to pee, but she said she could wait all the way to Baker (another 60-odd miles). Also, we had enough snacks that we didn't eat anything except a cup of frozen yogurt. I was way off. I was right about me liking Del Taco at least.
PBPBP: I sucked up my discomfort and tried the "$20 upgrade trick," in which one folds a $20 in between the license and credit card while checking in and asks, "Are there any complimentary upgrades available?" The young gentleman checked but said they were unfortunately at capacity and he couldn't help me out. At least he returned the cash.
TRUE: Much closer this time; almost perfect in fact. I did suck up my discomfort and attempt the trick. There were no upgrades available and I did get the cash back. The only difference was that it was with a young lady instead of a young gentleman. She reacted as if every single person tries that trick, so I felt a little dumb, but that's ok.
PBPBP: The room was notably nicer than the last few I'd stayed in, and we put our stuff down and washed up a little. We then walked around the MGM for a while, and I sat down at a $10 blackjack table with $100 in chips. I hovered around even for a while, got down to $40 and made Amber uncomfortable, then cashed out with $80 at the end of the next shoe. Worth the price of entertainment, but I should've gotten something when the cocktail waitress came by.
TRUE: The room was notably nicer than the last few I'd stayed in, and we put our stuff down and washed up a little. We then walked around the MGM for a while, and we each put a $20 into some video poker machines. Unlike normal Vegas visitors, we cashed out once we were both ahead for a combined profit of $50. More than worth the price of entertainment (since they paid us), and we each had an Amstel Light.
PBPBP: We ate at the Japanese restaurant, and it was mighty tasty. Not as expensive as I would've imagined either. That's probably because I couldn't justify ordering much of their pricey alcohol when I can get it for a $1 tip just outside at the tables.
TRUE: The Japanese restaurant was more than just might tasty, it was spectacular. It seemed pretty expensive while we were ordering, but as far as nicer dinners go, the damage wasn't that bad. We split a large hot sake and talked about our food for the entire rest of the trip.
PBPBP: I gambled a little more that evening and was sitting at a net profit of $45. We walked around and looked at a couple of the nearby casinos that have sprung up since Amber's last trip to the Strip. We did a fair amount of people watching, successfully avoided the people trying to hand us porn pamphlets, and went to bed close to 1am, which is saying something since we got up in the 5s that morning.
TRUE: I gambled a little more that evening and we were sitting at a combined net profit of $75. We walked around and looked at a couple of the nearby casinos (Paris, New York New York, etc.) and were constantly accosted by massive cleavage. We did successfully avoid the porn handouts as predicted, although Amber thought it was unnecessary for me to say "No thank you" to each person instead of just shaking my head or ignoring them like everyone else did. We ended up going to bed somewhere in the 11s, which is hands-down a Peter-in-Vegas record. I often don't get there until 11 with my friends, and that's just when the stupid boy stuff gets rocking.
PBPBP: For Saturday, we spent about an hour and a half out at the pool in between breakfast and lunch. We walked around the Wynn, and I couldn't reach my friend who works there on her cell. We had an early dinner since Zumanity was at normal dinnertime. I mentioned that I knew where a Burger King was, but we ended up finding a little place in Paris to grab a sandwich. I think I would've preferred one at the BK Lounge, but it was ok.
TRUE: I'm off again, but hey, that's part of the point of this blog entry. I had no idea what to expect, so it makes sense that I'm not 100% accurate. We did go to the Wynn, but I didn't even try calling my friend. We also checked out the Venetian and some other casinos before grabbing lunch. I got Chipotle (mmmm, Chipotle) and Amber had a little Panda Express and some of my food. We hung out at the pool for a while and had a drink while watching drunk people act like morons (which is fun for both parties). For dinner, we ate at a Mexican restaurant in New York New York, right near where the show was.
PBPBP: Zumanity was great. Weird and highly-sexual, but great. The old dude next to me seemed a little more into it than I was comfortable with. The performers did things with the human body that most likely shouldn't be possible.
TRUE: Zumanity was enjoyable. Weird and highly-sexual, but enjoyable nonetheless. We knew it was the "sensual side" of the Cirque shows, so we were expecting a lot of suggestive acrobatic moves. While that was a part of it (and highly impressive), they also had some bizarre naked comedy routines thrown in there that confused me. No old dude next to me, so that's a big plus.
PBPBP: I gambled a little more that night and had a couple of Bud Lights before we headed back to the room, and I was now about even. I split 8s against a 6, and she hit to 21. Without that one hand, I would've still been ahead in the game. Amber played a couple of hands of blackjack but decided that she enjoyed nickel video poker more. She ended the night down $7.
TRUE: Nice try, Peter From Last Week. I played some blackjack and we played some video poker together, and we ended the night up $70. I had a couple Captain and Cokes, and we called it a night pretty early again. All told, I played less than half an hour of blackjack and won $85. Extrapolate that out, and I could make over $350,000 a year as a pro blackjack player (with weekends free, no less). Honey, I smell a career change.
PBPBP: Sunday morning, we packed up, grabbed a quick bite, and hit the road right before 10am. I thought about getting one more shoe of blackjack in but Amber reminded me that leaving even is like winning in Vegas. "They don't build these casinos by having people push," I added in agreement. Surprisingly, traffic was very light the whole way back, and that afforded us the luxury of vegging out for a couple of hours and doing laundry before having to get ready for the work-week. Ta-dah!
TRUE: Pretty close, actually. We grabbed a quick bite and headed out at almost exactly 10am. We each put in ten bucks for a final stab at video poker, figuring we'd either make more money or end up an even $50 for the trip. Yep, we ended up an even $50. Traffic was very light the entire ride, and we did a few loads of laundry to get all of that smoke out of the clothes.
So, my friends, that was the trip that was. The final verdict: We had a good time as expected. The trip was considerably different than ones with my friends, but it was nice to see what Vegas is like sober and well-fed. Even though she had a very nice time, Amber doesn't see herself wanting to go back anytime soon. Sometimes a little Vegas is enough to hold people over for a while. That said, she can totally understand how my friends and I have a blast every time.
I hope you all had wonderful weekends too, gentle readers. If any of you have seen Zumanity, please email me at ptklein@gmail.com with your thoughts on it. Have a great day, and I predict I'll see you here tomorrow.
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