I now mis-pronounce you...

Hello again, and thanks for joining me on this miraculous Miercoles. That sounds good - way better than silly old "Wednesday." But oh, gentle readers, today is so much more than a silly old Wednesday. First off, it's my friend Greg's birthday. I've known him for all thirty of them, so he definitely gets top paragraph status. Secondly, I hope you're sitting down because today is also another Wacky Wordy Wednesday! The excitement is palpable; that is, it's able to be palped.

I was in the car a couple of weeks ago, and I heard a commercial on the radio that made me angry. Alone in my car, I said to no one in particular, "Really? Really? How could they leave that in there?" As it turns out, my lovely wife heard the same commercial and thought the same thing. It's for Panda Express, and after talking about the sweetness and spiciness of a dish, the "voice talent" says that it's the "ying and yang" of flavor, or some shit like that. Yep, he clearly articulates the erroneous G at the end of "ying," and that offends me. Maybe it's not as commonly known as I'd suspect that "YIN and yang" is the accurate term, but I have to think that whoever opted to include that in the script should've known better.

That story leads me to the larger theme of today's post: people saying things incorrectly. They're out there, you've heard them, and some of you might even say them yourselves. That all ends today, friends. Put the bad pronunciation behind you and we can go back to being friends, pals, buddies, etc. That's "et cetera" by the way. How many of you say "ect cetera" instead? Well, you're wrong and you need to stop that right away. Honestly, people, if you know that the abbreviation is e-t-c, why can't you pronounce it as such? It chaps my hide, grinds my gears, rubs me the wrong way, ET cetera.

Do you see where I'm coming from on this, or am I already starting to sound like a lunatic to you? If it's the latter, then be forewarned because I've got more here. Words seem to care about me, and vice versa. Ya hear that? VICE VERSA, not "vice-a versa" or however some of you incorrectly say it. Do you hold items still in a vice-a? Were Crockett and Tubbs in "Miami Vice-a?" If you want to incur my wrath, keep on saying it incorrectly. Don't pay the price; just say it "vice." (I love channeling my inner Johnnie Cochran.)

Granted, some words have exceptions when it comes to pronunciation. I have always known "often" to have a silent T, but I can't entirely blame people who say "off-ten" because it's right there, asking to be pronounced. Therefore, I'm willing to put and asterisk next to "often." Not an asterik, because that word doesn't exist. There's an extra S there before the K, folks, and it deserves your attention as much as the other letters. Sound like a prick; say "asterik."

Ok, I'm tired of being angry right now and want to switch gears. Instead I'm going to write about words with dual correct pronunciations. For example, I say the word "route" so that it sounds like "root." Others, most likely including many of you, opt for the "rout" pronunciation. Here's where it gets interesting (to me, and possibly only me): I say "root" for everything but "paper route." There, it's "rout," and I don't know why. That said, for those of you who say "rout" all the time, what about that famous route numbered 66? You say "root" for that, don't you? I'm very interested in hearing which way you all say that word, and if that changes in any other phrases/special usages.

Want another example? Let's take the word "Caribbean." I say "kuh RIB bee un" almost exclusively. I say "almost" because when there is a pirate involved, it becomes "care uh BEE un." I can hear the tide of public opinion swaying to my side, and I love it.

Lastly, we have either and neither. I pronounce both with a long E sound instead of a long I. No one wants to be stuck in "long I land." Ha, I crack my shit up sometimes. In any case, my lovely wife says "I-thur" and "Nigh-ther." "But what about with the word 'me' in front of them?" I asked her. "Hmmm, I guess I say 'nee-there' in those cases," she realized. Aw yeah, the ear of Peter strikes again.

So that is where I shall end today's Wacky Wordy Wednesday, wittle weaders. I'd love to hear your own usage on those words and any variations thereof. Have a great rest of the day, and I'll see you back here tomorrow for another Sorry Honey It's Thursday post. As always, feel free to email ptklein@gmail.com with anything about anything.