Top of the morning to you on this lovely Wednesday. Wednesday? How about Rightnowsday! Damn, that sounded a lot better in my head (and honestly, that was iffy at best as well). That happens a lot; good thing I never invested in one of those fancy shmancy backspace keys. In any case, I'm here and ready to continue my hey-look-it's-a-theme of the week. So far, you've read all about certain application processes of which I've been a part. It's never fun, and my heart goes out to anyone who is interviewing anywhere for anything.
That said, I don't feel too bad making fun of people who have screwed up in an application process one way or another since I've been there myself. Today's post is about some of my favorites in that category, and I hope you enjoy.
When I was one of the two Student Coordinators for Orientation Staff back in the 90s, my "Co-Coord" Suzanne and I took turns pairing up with one of the directors to interview the 80 applicants (for interview #1 of 5 for those who went the distance). One afternoon after a string of three or four interviews, it was Suzanne's turn to take over. She went in the conference room to prepare and I sat out at the front desk. A young lady came in and said she was there for her interview. I asked her name, checked the list, and told her to take a seat and they'd be out in a minute for her. "If I might ask," she said, "who are you in this process?" I introduced myself and told her that the Coords were the direct supervisors of the staff members. "So you'd be my boss then?" she asked. "Yes, one of them, but yes," I said. "Well," she said, as she pulled her elbows back and thrust her chest out at me, "I really want this job." Keeping my composure, I replied, "Well, just um, be yourself, and I'm sure it'll go fine." I then excused myself and replayed the moment over again in my head from the back area of the office. And that's how I met my lovely wife!
No, not really. That would be an even better story though. Here's how this one ended: After the interview was over and the young lady had left, I told Suzanne what had transpired. Giving the applicant the benefit of the doubt, I said, "Maybe it was just a really bad time to do that particular stretch coupled with a really poor time to say what she did." "But right after you said you'd be her boss, she stuck her breasts out and said she really wanted the job?" "Uh, yeah. How'd the interview go?" "Not so well," Suzanne said, and that was great news. I didn't want to lose a good candidate just because she was overtaken by my masculinity and instinctually resorted to base, ritualistic attempts at mating. With great power comes great responsibility, after all.
In all honesty, I hope I misread her words and gesture. I'm not above accidentally making sexually harassing statements. Allow me to explain: In that same selection process, we were discussing a particular candidate who everyone thought was kicking ass through the process so far. Without hearing the sentences first in my head, I said aloud, "She seems like she'd be really good. I'd love to have her on my staff." That was followed by me turning beet red and stumbling through apologies and rephrasings for the next ten minutes.
Let's fast forward a few years, shall we? I was working in the academic advising office for a couple of years when my co-worker and good friend Twilight left her position to go to grad school. Since she was the person I spent 90% of my day with at the job, I wanted a say in who would be replacing her. Therefore, I let my preference be known and I was allowed to be on the selection committee for the new Twilight.
During one of the interviews, there was a man who seemed pretty friendly and capable. He was asked the following two-part question: "This position deals with a large number of rules and requirements. How are you at handling large amounts of information? And what methods do you use to help you in situations like this?" His response was as follows: "I do really, really well with large amounts of information. I have an excellent memory. In fact, my friends call me "The Professor" because I seem to retain everything. And...what was the second part of the question?" He was dead serious, and I almost exploded from holding in a very loud, "You've gotta be fucking kidding me!" He didn't end up getting the job, and it was for more reasons than just that hilariously contradictory response. That said, it was the highlight of the entire process for me.
There have been other great missteps in interviewing history that I've either been a part of or heard great accounts of after the fact. Maybe I'll include those sometime down the line. For now, I'm calling it a day and bidding you a fond Thanksgiving Eve. I'll be back tomorrow with a very special holiday edition of UOPTA. Until then, have a good one and try to avoid turkey at all cost today.
6 comments:
Although I have interviewed others for jobs, the best stories I have are from interviewing potential roommates. After college I was sharing an apartment with a friend who was moving out because she got into student housing, so I was looking for someone to take her place. The end of the story is that I ended up moving out and in with someone who was a great roommate, but the process was rather interesting at times.
My favorite comment was in response to my "do you do drugs?" question. A young lady, in all seriousness, said something like, "Well, I do coke sometimes and usually at my boyfriend's place. But since I just got a DUI and can't drive, we'd probably be doing that stuff here."
Although I was glad to know the truth, it may have been in her interest to lie. Needless to say, that was pretty much the end of the interview.
I'm surprised that the young woman who thrust her chest at you didn't get the job. It almost always worked for me.
So when wore my hair curly to that panel interview, you saw right through me, didn't you?
I'd totally forgotten about that roommate interview, honey. Great stuff, and totally incomprehensible that anyone would actually say that.
Mom, I just wrote three different things and erased them all. Needless to say, your comment was noted.
And BKS, that's hilarious. We actually didn't recognize you when you came in with curly hair and had to have a mini huddle to make sure you were indeed yourself. You're such a chameleon.
Laynie,
If you've got it, flaunt it.
Gross.
Post a Comment