Bowled over

Hello and welcome, friends. I hope all is well with you, wherever and whenever you might be. (I think I've been watching too much "Lost" if I start assuming that people can be on different planes of time. Maybe the future version of myself went back in time to put the idea in my head to write that sentence. Did I just blow your mind or what?) Let's jump right into some unrelated thoughts and stories, shall we?

Last Thursday, a brief chapter in my life came to a close. That said, I believe I left a bookmark there to make returning to it easier. This chapter is called "Grown-up Peter's Weekly Bowling," and it lasted from July of 2007 to April of 2009. That's a sizeable chunk of time, don't you think? Well, we had a bunch of fun, but we're taking this next season off (and hopefully just that one). Two teammates live pretty far from the alley and were getting tired of the commute, and the other's wife is due in the middle of the next league, so I had a choice to make: join them in taking time off or get adopted by another team. The second option was very tempting, for we became friendly enough with three other teams that I would've felt comfortable bowling with any of them for a season. Sadly, none of these teams was the one with Kevin Federline and his new girlfriend on it; while we saw them almost weekly, we never got to actually face off against them. It's a shame, because I certainly would've gotten at least one UOPTA story out of it. Hey, at least my arm and part of my back got in a couple paparazzi photos.

Here's a little side story: Before this season with K-Fed, there was someone else who frequented our lanes in the same line of work as him. That is, he was a back-up dancer best known for being the ex-husband of someone famous. Yes, there are two of those people. His name is Chris Judd, and he was married to Jennifer Lopez sometime before Ben Affleck and Marc Anthony became more suitable partners. I thought I recognized him and my co-worker Rob agreed with my assessment. Then we saw him put his name in as "Seejay," which is how one would write out the pronunciation of his initials. A little while later, he started using his real name to wipe out any doubt we had.

Then K-Fed joined the league, but to my disappointment, he didn't have Mr. Judd on his team. "Who would be the perfect third and fourth members of that team?" I asked my friends. We thought about it for a while and had a tough time finding the right fit. I originally suggested the actor Scott Foley, best known to me as "the guy that Jennifer Garner was married to before dating Michael Vartan and the ubiquitous Ben Affleck." Rob quashed that idea, noting that he's truly had his own career too with large roles in "Felicity" and "The Unit." I suggested singer?/actor? Ray J as a double-whammy. He's not only the brother of singer Brandy, but probably best known as "the guy in Kim Kardashian's sex tape." I like the idea, but now he's got his own VH-1 reality show and apparently has put four albums out. Who does that leave us with? Tammy Faye Bakker? She passed away, so probably not. Ooh - I think I've got one. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the third member of the "Famous Only for my Former Relationship" team: Levi Johnston! I totally nailed it. We still need a fourth, so if you have any suggestions, please comment away. No really, it's ok to do that.

Back to me and my bowling decision: I weighed the pros and cons of each team that I could possibly join. One had a friendly young lady who actually teaches at my old elementary school, but also a guy who's never said a word to me and could easily crush me with one hand. The second team had three nice young ladies who were also teachers, and I enjoyed joking around with them even though our jokes often got very disturbing and violent. For example, one asked me to pantomime the best way to snap a kitten's neck, and then they seemed shocked by my realistic and detailed depiction. Hey, they asked. The only real downside with that team is that two of their bowling names and VaGina and Tatas. If I went by Peter, people would assume that I was making a sexual pun instead of simply putting my real name. And that would hurt my feelings. The third team had a bunch of cool guys on it, including one who's a hip hop artist trying to get his music out there. The downside? They're way too cool for me. I'm not beating myself up here, just being realistic. I'm the same guy who talks to blackjack dealers in Las Vegas about Nobel Peace Prize winner Lech Walesa and Polish politics at the drop of a hat, so it's safe to say that I'd spend that whole season as "the nerdy one."

The truth of the matter is that while I really enjoy bowling, I want to be there with my friends. It's a chance to see them regularly, have a drink or two, and say stupid things while competing against often-friendly folks. I'd miss out on the best parts of my bowling evenings if it were with relative strangers, and so I'm ok with my decision to sit this one out too. (After all, Lech Walesa did head up the committee on Solidarity.) We have a pact to make it just this one season off, but it's hard to say for sure if we'll be able to stick to that. I'll let you all know when I'm getting back on the lanes.

Two quick items before we get to the Car Watch: While on the subject of diverting activities and nerdiness, I should point out that our friends Lisa and Paul introduced us to a new board game. It could scarcely sound more nerdy, so I'm just going to lay it on you: it's about geography. It's called, "10 Days in Europe," and it's surprisingly way more fun than it sounds. It involves some strategy, some luck, and a little trickery while having the added benefit of being a bit educational. If that sounds good to you, then check it out. They also have a version for America, Asia, and Africa, all of which intrigue me.

Secondly, I saw a story on CNN.com that made me want to scratch my own eyes out. Apparently, the one and only Fran "The Nanny" Drescher is contemplating a career in politics. Yep, it says so right here: http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/04/15/is-the-nanny-pondering-a-campaign-bid-2/#more-47695/. You know what that means, of course: she'd be talking more. A lot more. And publicly. That could be the worst idea I've heard in years. I'd rather have Rosie Perez and Sanjaya Malakar on a ticket together than hear Fran Drescher talk about anything (let alone presumably important things that would require active listening). Please, Fran, don't do it. Save us the aural anguish and put a halt to this nonsense before it picks up any steam. Your non-fans implore you.

And now, let's annoyingly screech on over to the Car Watch.

My homey Rockabye sent me what he called the "strangest plate EVER." It read, "BUYMYDD." In speaking with him after receiving the text, it was clear that he was only reading it as, "Buy my dad." He asked pertinent questions, and we spent some time discussing the hypothetical black market for fathers. Here's the great thing about that plate though: it could mean many things, and none necessarily make sense. Please allow me to dig deeper into this:
1. Buy My Dad: See above
2. Buy My Dead: A black market organ trader?
3. Buy My Deed: "I need to sell my house and this was the best way to advertise that came to mind."
4. Buy My Dud: Who knows, one person's dud might be another's...functional item.
5. Buy My Double Ds: "I'm looking for a sugar daddy to help me with certain, ahem, enhancements."
6. By My Dad: "He built this car from scratch, and I'm proud of him."

What am I missing? Feel free to chime in if you think there's an obvious answer to this automotive enigma.

Next up, I saw a truck that said "ISEC" on its side in big letters. Beneath it, it read, "Interior Specialty Contractor." Um, not to nitpick, but what's the E for? Did they think that "ISEC" was so much catchier than "ISC" that they inserted an E without making up a corresponding word? Maybe it stands for "Extraneous."

Lastly, the same homey Rockabye sent me a plate that read, "ITRNSL8." Can anyone help me out with that one?

Ok, that's it for me for now. I'll be back next Friday with more thoughts and stories, but some stuff will be happening in the meantime. Tomorrow is my friend Lindsey's birthday, and though I haven't caught up with her in way too long, I still wish her an extremely happy day. Sunday is the first game of the Lakers' playoff run, and hopefully the first of 16 postseason wins they'll accrue. Wednesday is my favorite sister-in-law Weezie's birthday, which makes her a year older than me on paper for a couple of months. And that's that, folks. Have one hell of a weekend and week, and you can reach me at ptklein@gmail.com with anything about anything. Take care, and go Lakers!