All ingest

A couple of weeks ago, my co-worker Rob and I were heading out to lunch. He told me that we were making a stop at a juice place on our way back, and that was fine by me. As it turns out, it wasn't just a routine stop; his aim was to "pop my wheatgrass cherry."

First of all, I will acknowledge how nasty that last term was, and I apologize for it. I just report the news, folks. In any case, I'd heard some fables about the magical powers of wheatgrass, so I was interested in learning more. The only thing I remembered was that one serving of it was supposed to be a few servings of vegetables, so I figured I'd give it a shot by trying a shot.

We walked in there, and Rob picked up an informational brochure and handed it to me. The top thing it said on it was that "1 oz. is the nutritional equivalent of eating 2 1/2 pounds of leafy green vegetables." Holy crap, that's vegetastic! It went on to describe all of the other powers this magical juice has: minimizes fatigue, cleanses the body, bolsters the immune system, etc. Then it got to the claims that made me start questioning the accuracy of the pamphlet. Namely:

• "Increases mental clarity and calms nerves."


• "Stimulates hair growth."


• "Increases function of...reproductive organs."


• "Applied to the skin, it can eliminate itching, relieve sunburn and act as a disinfectant."


• "Helps to heal cuts, burns, rashes, poison ivy, athlete's foot and insect bites."


• "As a beauty aid it can tighten loose skin."

I'm skeptical by nature, so I couldn't help but wonder, "If everything they say is true, then why isn't everyone drinking (and otherwise using) this stuff?" Then there was one final item that really caught my eye: Five minutes after cutting/juicing, there is a "50% decrease in effectiveness." After five minutes! This stuff was getting weirder and weirder the more I read, so I was obviously looking forward to trying it out.

I'd heard a little about the nastiness of the taste, but I wasn't afraid of that at all. I mean, I know what grass smells like, and I actually enjoy it. How bad could grass juice taste? Also, I like bean sprouts, and my wife says they taste like dirt, so this couldn't be that far off, right?

Another reason I was starting to really look forward to trying the wheatgrass was to tell Dusty later. I lived with him back when I was in my late teens and then again in my early twenties. I had pretty bad eating habits back then when left to my own devices, and he incorrectly still thinks I never touch vegetables. If I'm ever eating green beans or something else in front of him, he'll say, "Look at you giving the veggies a try!" So I was looking forward to him making a typical comment about my diet, to which I would be able to reply, "How many pounds of vegetables did you have today?" Bam!

I ordered a 1 oz. shot with a 5 oz. chaser of orange juice. It was strange to see the woman cutting grass off a tray and knowing that I'd be drinking that soon. After the machine liquefied it, she handed me my little cup with the slightly viscous and very dark green liquid in it. I started to propose a fake toast, but then I realized that I'd already probably lost 10% of the nutrients. So down the hatch it went, and just like I suspected, it tasted like strong liquid grass. I slowly sipped the orange juice after, but I didn't really need it. I was hanging in there just fine.

As we headed back to the office, I felt the shot sitting in my stomach. It wasn't the most pleasant feeling, but it wasn't horrible. Then I read that "on a healing regime, drink 1 or 2 oz. up to 3 or 4 times a day." I assume they're not counting the amount that I'm slathering on my body to tighten my loose skin. For the rest of the day, I felt a little off. The best way I can describe it is that I had a little pit in my stomach (I guess 2 1/2 pounds will do that), and I was just slightly spacier than normal. For the amount of health it provided though, I decided that it would be worth that feeling every once in a while. The only problem with the whole thing was that I could never ask anyone to pick up a shot for me; I'd always have to go get it myself and drink it on the spot, or otherwise be doomed to only get maybe half a pound's worth of leafy greens.

Intrigued by the limitless benefits of wheatgrass as espoused on the pamphlet, I turned to our trusty friends at wikipedia.org for further information. The first thing that caught my eye was, "It should be noted that high dosages can cause nausea." Ok, I can see that. Then I saw the heading of "Health Claims." It lists all of the wonderful things the pamphlet did, then says that there is only anecdotal evidence to support the claims, rather than that pesky scientific kind. That didn't bother me, because the same could be said about something like acupuncture, and I know people who swear up and down that it works wonders.

Then I read this: "30 grams of cooked spinach and broccoli contains more of certain vitamins and minerals than the equivalent amount of wheatgrass...A garden salad of the size commonly sold in fast food outlets contains vastly more of a range of nutrients than a 30ml shot of wheatgrass."

I don't know who to believe and what to make of this whole thing. All I know is that it didn't taste awful, it was at least a little good for me, and it made me a wee bit nauseous. Two out of three ain't bad, right? I'll probably try it again next time I'm with Rob and he's getting a shot, but I don't see myself going out of my way for it. Unless, of course, I find some site online that tells me that each shot is the equivalent of uneating a double-cheeseburger. Then it might become more of a routine.

Happy Tuesday, gentle readers. Please email ptklein@gmail.com with anything about anything and make my inbox less lonely.