It's time for some PK FUFinstuff. No, let's try that again. I'm Peter, and I'm here to FUF (clap) you up! Hmmm, not quite. I hope you brought your laundry, because it's time for the FUF and fold. I give up.
Good morning, everyone. It is Follow Up Friday, and I'm ready to get right to it. First off, it's Vehicle Watch 2007:
My wife and I were driving home from dinner, and the truck in front of us had a bumper sticker that read "I (HEART) VAGINA." There was some small lettering underneath, and I really wanted to see what else that could say. The truck started to turn left, and even though it wasn't the way home, I quickly got over to follow it (turning on a very yellow light in the process). Just as I was almost caught up to it, it turned into a gas station and was gone forever. I can't for the life of me think of what else that might have said. Any ideas? Have any of you seen this sticker elsewhere? Some others from the past week:
I was talking to my brother yesterday, and he said that he had some fantastic Spam subject lines that he could send me. Now cover your eyes if you're easily offended, but these two made me laugh so I must share:
1. "tiiny sorortiy sults geet fucekd by loacl fraat booys." At least "by" is spelled correctly.
2. "Asian teen loves extreme uhh anal sex." This one just made me laugh out loud again. The "uhh" really gets me (or at least the 14 year-old boy living inside me). Thanks, Kev!
When writing about the male enhancement supplements, I was thinking about how I've heard things like that called "nutraceuticals" recently. Every time I hear that, I think of my friend Jon telling me about fake testicles marketed to fixed dogs. I guess it's so they look intact, but it could be just for canine self-confidence. I think it's completely ridiculous, but I think of them because he said they're called "Neuticles." I couldn't remember what they were called once, and said, "What were they again? Faux-nads?" My friends and I all agreed that that's way better than the actual name.
Lastly, I know this sounds crazy, but I have a story/observation that combines this week's unintentional themes of ingesting and penises. I was listening to the radio, and I heard a commercial for Wendy's and their square patty insanity. The song in the background was none other than "Blister in the Sun" by Violent Femmes. For those of you who don't know the song, it's a fun and catchy song...about masturbation. It's 100% about that, and anyone who knows the song knows that. Here are two parts of the lyrics: "Big hands I know you're the one," and "Body and beats, I stain my sheets, I don't even know why/my girlfriend she's at the end, she is starting to cry." So let's go eat hamburgers! What the hell were they thinking? Is some ad exec trying to sabotage them subliminally? I think that song choice is even worse than Wienerschnitzel's new campaign of "Pushing the boundaries of taste," and that's really saying something.
Good morning, everyone. It is Follow Up Friday, and I'm ready to get right to it. First off, it's Vehicle Watch 2007:
My wife and I were driving home from dinner, and the truck in front of us had a bumper sticker that read "I (HEART) VAGINA." There was some small lettering underneath, and I really wanted to see what else that could say. The truck started to turn left, and even though it wasn't the way home, I quickly got over to follow it (turning on a very yellow light in the process). Just as I was almost caught up to it, it turned into a gas station and was gone forever. I can't for the life of me think of what else that might have said. Any ideas? Have any of you seen this sticker elsewhere? Some others from the past week:
- License plate report: DO UKARE. Not especially, no. Why would I?
- My friend Rockabye sent in a plate that read YY2BDUI. He told me to text him back when I figured it out, but it didn't take more than a second to realize it was plate-speak for "Too wise to be driving under the influence." Nicely done.
- Rockabye spends too much time driving, so he also sent me a Bumper Sticker Report: "Don't Panic, It's Organic." First of all, I wasn't panicking. Second, what's organic? Your car? I don't think so, unless it's sod cleverly disguised as metal.
- I saw a license plate frame that read, "The Worlds Best Mom." She must be if she put that on her car with the glaring apostrophe omission. Maybe her other car says, "I still love you, even though you suck at grammar."
I was talking to my brother yesterday, and he said that he had some fantastic Spam subject lines that he could send me. Now cover your eyes if you're easily offended, but these two made me laugh so I must share:
1. "tiiny sorortiy sults geet fucekd by loacl fraat booys." At least "by" is spelled correctly.
2. "Asian teen loves extreme uhh anal sex." This one just made me laugh out loud again. The "uhh" really gets me (or at least the 14 year-old boy living inside me). Thanks, Kev!
When writing about the male enhancement supplements, I was thinking about how I've heard things like that called "nutraceuticals" recently. Every time I hear that, I think of my friend Jon telling me about fake testicles marketed to fixed dogs. I guess it's so they look intact, but it could be just for canine self-confidence. I think it's completely ridiculous, but I think of them because he said they're called "Neuticles." I couldn't remember what they were called once, and said, "What were they again? Faux-nads?" My friends and I all agreed that that's way better than the actual name.
Lastly, I know this sounds crazy, but I have a story/observation that combines this week's unintentional themes of ingesting and penises. I was listening to the radio, and I heard a commercial for Wendy's and their square patty insanity. The song in the background was none other than "Blister in the Sun" by Violent Femmes. For those of you who don't know the song, it's a fun and catchy song...about masturbation. It's 100% about that, and anyone who knows the song knows that. Here are two parts of the lyrics: "Big hands I know you're the one," and "Body and beats, I stain my sheets, I don't even know why/my girlfriend she's at the end, she is starting to cry." So let's go eat hamburgers! What the hell were they thinking? Is some ad exec trying to sabotage them subliminally? I think that song choice is even worse than Wienerschnitzel's new campaign of "Pushing the boundaries of taste," and that's really saying something.
Have a hell of a weekend, gentle readers. I hope you survived the most potty-mouthed week yet of UOPTA. Enjoy St. Patrick's Day tomorrow, and I encourage you to take the high road and not pinch people who aren't wearing green. Nowadays you'll probably end up in Pinching Rehab for that. As always, please email me at ptklein@gmail.com with all your thoughts, observations, and questions.
2 comments:
Wikipedia has this to say about "Blister in the Sun": According to lead singer Gordon Gano, this song is not about masturbation as popularly thought. He wrote this song about a girl he had a crush on in high school. Gordon was sensitive about his small hands, and on the first day of school a girl came up to him, held his hands in the air, and exclaimed, "Look what small hands he has!" So, he wrote the song from the perspective of a girl lusting after a boy with big hands. This explains the "big hands I know you're the one" line.
I still think "body and beats/I stain my sheets" is probably about masturbation. Or a bladder control issue.
I have such a love/hate relationship right now with Wikipedia. It's fantastic, and I love that I can find a list of all of the Legend of Zelda characters or U.S. Presidents who have killed people in their lives. At the same time though, it perpetuates lies by people like Gordon Gano and says "ides" means 13 for 2/3 of the month. Sometimes Wiki is wack.
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