It's Friday, and it's time for McFUF to take a write out of Klein. Hmm, not doing it for you? If no one is reading, Mr. T pities the FU! Nevermind. I'm missing my pun gene today.
As always, let's check in with the vehicle report:
Sacky Christi was sitting at a stop light behind a CHP motorcycle. On the license plate frame, it read: "Relax...I could be behind you." Awesome. Thanks for sending that in, my NorCal homey.
Rockabye wrote in after seeing this bumper sticker: "Cashew Kid rides again!" Thank God, too, because I was getting very concerned about how long he'd been idle. It's cool to have a nickname, I guess, but I think I'd rather just go by my name than a diminutive nut. Rockabye also sent me a plate that said, "IDNTKNW," but I can't figure out what that's short for.
And then there's me. I was in Marina Del Rey, and a big harbor patrol vehicle was just ahead of me. In big letters on a plus-sized bumper sticker, it said, "Don't Abandon Your Baby." Please don't get me wrong, I'm 100% against people abandoning babies. However, I'm guessing that this person is preaching to the choir here. Are they hoping to catch that one person in his or her car who happens to be debating whether or not leaving a baby somewhere is the right choice? "You know, here I was driving my baby somewhere to leave her unannounced, but the harbor patrol really swayed me." I just don't see it. Again, I don't want abandoned babies either, but this strikes me as similar to a bumper sticker that announces, "Don't Put Arsenic in Your Boss's Coffee." You know, just in case you were planning on doing that this morning.
Also, I was behind an older man in a car with two things that may not have been noteworthy enough separately, but together they made me want to share. First, a license plate frame that read, "Saw It, Wanted It...Threw a Fit, Got It." That doesn't scream "older man" to me. Second, a bumper sticker that read, "Happiness is Being Married to a Dutchman!" See what I'm talking about? Somebody out there threw a fit to get a Dutchman, and now she's finally happy.
Moving on now, I wanted to write a little more about my experience as Charlie Brown in first grade. At one point in our rehearsals, my teacher instructed me to make a "disgusted face." Being in first grade though, my vocabulary wasn't quite at the same level it is now. Therefore, I thought she told me to make a "disgusting face." So there I was, throwing my hat down on the stage, making the most disgusting face I could to show my unhappiness with Snoopy. Maybe it wasn't what the teacher intended, but she never corrected me so I kept doing it. Naturally, my whole family makes the "disgusting face" from time to time. They think it's funny that I misinterpreted the teacher's direction, but I maintain that she should never have used a big word that sounded so similar to something I'd already mastered.
A couple of days ago, I wrote about how my name is in certain words (perfect, persistent, etc.). I forgot to mention that my brother Kevin can find all the letters of his first and last name in the word Kelvin. It's not often he gets to refer to absolute zero on the Kelvin scale of temperature, but there is a street named Kelvin pretty close to my house, so I think of that fairly regularly. Here are other lines I expect to hear those close to me use at some point:
My wife: Yes, I would like for you to pay me back for all of my meals at the conference. After all, you can't spell "reimbursable" without Amber.
My dad: Of course they enjoyed my speech in there; you can't spell "applause" without Paul.
My mom: Hold your horses, it'll happen at some point. You can't spell "eventually" without Elayne.
My friend: That's very flattering that you want me in your magazine. I've been told that you can't spell "studly" without Dusty.
And so it goes. "Lisa" and "sail" are anagrams of each other, I learned. This whole time, I thought the only cool thing about her name was that it looks like USA when written closely in all caps. Man was I wrong.
I told you all my favorite famous anagram, but there are more out there that always make me chuckle. Here are the best of the best (after Spiro "Grow a Penis" Agnew), in my opinion:
Ronald Wilson Reagan = Insane Anglo Warlord
Clint Eastwood = Old West Action
William Shakespeare = I'll Make a Wise Phrase
Monica Lewinsky = Nice Silky Woman
George Bush = He Bugs Gore
My dad posted a comment saying that he downloaded a trial version from www.anagramgenius.com, and I followed in his footsteps. It turns out that I'm not only an "Ink Dotted Leper," but I also apparently either "Kept Lent or Died." My buddy Scott's full name is also "Enjoy Smart Cats." My wife's full name turns into, "Milk me, alien belcher." Take out her middle name though, and she's just "Mr. Bikelane." I like it.
Ok, I'd better stop here or I'll keep going forever. This post has gotten all rambly-pambly anyway. Have a great weekend, everyone. If you want me to find out an anagram for your name because it's easier than downloading free software, email me at ptklein@gmail.com and I'll gladly do it for you. Maybe we'll find some really cool ones together for the next FUF. See you back here on Monday, gentle readers.
As always, let's check in with the vehicle report:
Sacky Christi was sitting at a stop light behind a CHP motorcycle. On the license plate frame, it read: "Relax...I could be behind you." Awesome. Thanks for sending that in, my NorCal homey.
Rockabye wrote in after seeing this bumper sticker: "Cashew Kid rides again!" Thank God, too, because I was getting very concerned about how long he'd been idle. It's cool to have a nickname, I guess, but I think I'd rather just go by my name than a diminutive nut. Rockabye also sent me a plate that said, "IDNTKNW," but I can't figure out what that's short for.
And then there's me. I was in Marina Del Rey, and a big harbor patrol vehicle was just ahead of me. In big letters on a plus-sized bumper sticker, it said, "Don't Abandon Your Baby." Please don't get me wrong, I'm 100% against people abandoning babies. However, I'm guessing that this person is preaching to the choir here. Are they hoping to catch that one person in his or her car who happens to be debating whether or not leaving a baby somewhere is the right choice? "You know, here I was driving my baby somewhere to leave her unannounced, but the harbor patrol really swayed me." I just don't see it. Again, I don't want abandoned babies either, but this strikes me as similar to a bumper sticker that announces, "Don't Put Arsenic in Your Boss's Coffee." You know, just in case you were planning on doing that this morning.
Also, I was behind an older man in a car with two things that may not have been noteworthy enough separately, but together they made me want to share. First, a license plate frame that read, "Saw It, Wanted It...Threw a Fit, Got It." That doesn't scream "older man" to me. Second, a bumper sticker that read, "Happiness is Being Married to a Dutchman!" See what I'm talking about? Somebody out there threw a fit to get a Dutchman, and now she's finally happy.
Moving on now, I wanted to write a little more about my experience as Charlie Brown in first grade. At one point in our rehearsals, my teacher instructed me to make a "disgusted face." Being in first grade though, my vocabulary wasn't quite at the same level it is now. Therefore, I thought she told me to make a "disgusting face." So there I was, throwing my hat down on the stage, making the most disgusting face I could to show my unhappiness with Snoopy. Maybe it wasn't what the teacher intended, but she never corrected me so I kept doing it. Naturally, my whole family makes the "disgusting face" from time to time. They think it's funny that I misinterpreted the teacher's direction, but I maintain that she should never have used a big word that sounded so similar to something I'd already mastered.
A couple of days ago, I wrote about how my name is in certain words (perfect, persistent, etc.). I forgot to mention that my brother Kevin can find all the letters of his first and last name in the word Kelvin. It's not often he gets to refer to absolute zero on the Kelvin scale of temperature, but there is a street named Kelvin pretty close to my house, so I think of that fairly regularly. Here are other lines I expect to hear those close to me use at some point:
My wife: Yes, I would like for you to pay me back for all of my meals at the conference. After all, you can't spell "reimbursable" without Amber.
My dad: Of course they enjoyed my speech in there; you can't spell "applause" without Paul.
My mom: Hold your horses, it'll happen at some point. You can't spell "eventually" without Elayne.
My friend: That's very flattering that you want me in your magazine. I've been told that you can't spell "studly" without Dusty.
And so it goes. "Lisa" and "sail" are anagrams of each other, I learned. This whole time, I thought the only cool thing about her name was that it looks like USA when written closely in all caps. Man was I wrong.
I told you all my favorite famous anagram, but there are more out there that always make me chuckle. Here are the best of the best (after Spiro "Grow a Penis" Agnew), in my opinion:
Ronald Wilson Reagan = Insane Anglo Warlord
Clint Eastwood = Old West Action
William Shakespeare = I'll Make a Wise Phrase
Monica Lewinsky = Nice Silky Woman
George Bush = He Bugs Gore
My dad posted a comment saying that he downloaded a trial version from www.anagramgenius.com, and I followed in his footsteps. It turns out that I'm not only an "Ink Dotted Leper," but I also apparently either "Kept Lent or Died." My buddy Scott's full name is also "Enjoy Smart Cats." My wife's full name turns into, "Milk me, alien belcher." Take out her middle name though, and she's just "Mr. Bikelane." I like it.
Ok, I'd better stop here or I'll keep going forever. This post has gotten all rambly-pambly anyway. Have a great weekend, everyone. If you want me to find out an anagram for your name because it's easier than downloading free software, email me at ptklein@gmail.com and I'll gladly do it for you. Maybe we'll find some really cool ones together for the next FUF. See you back here on Monday, gentle readers.
2 comments:
Thank you so much for eventually finding something that could be done with my name. I thought it was disgusted that I had no anagrams.
Mom, your first an last name make "Keenly Alien." Insert your middle name of Roberta, and we get either "Really keen baritone," "Lonelier Yankee brat," or "Lanky, noble, eerie rat." Aren't you glad you asked?
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