I believe the Beatles said it best: "Nothing you can read that can't be wrote. Nothing you can smite that can't be smote. All you need is FUF." It's on their rarities collection.
Good morning everyone, and I hope these words find you well. I've got a random assortment of things for you today on this Friday as well as the standard Car Watch items. Ready to roll? Let's do it.
I got a text message from a number I don't know. It read, "Me w/out u is like a camera w/ no flash, a car w/ no gas, a stripper w/ no ass & a pimp w/ no cash! Send to ten ppl u couldn't live w/out!!" Yes, gentle readers, that is my very first unsolicited chain text message. I have no idea how it reached me, but someone evidently can't live without me (or" w/out" me, as it turns out), so maybe I should just be flattered. Have any of you ever received something like that? I get a lot of calls for someone named Mark, so maybe someone can't live without him and my flattery is totally unfounded. Stupid Mark.
Earlier this week, I wrote about the process of learning Spanish and how much I enjoyed it. I wanted to give you a little more insight into my relationship with that language. Specifically, my favorite words. I have three of them, and they're all equally at the top for different reasons. First, I like the word for "spinach": espinaca. That's just fun to say. Espinaca. Really, no more for that one, I just like how it sounds. Second, I like desafortunadamente, which means "unfortunately." It's eight syllables, so it's hard just to throw into a sentence without sounding funny. "Si, si, quiero hacerlo pero desafortunadamente no puedo." No matter how fast you can roll that word off your tongue, it still drastically changes the pace of the sentence. Lastly, I like the word chantaje, which means "blackmail." I like that that word's in my vocabulary, but I like it more because I would stump people in Spanish Hangman with it. "Ch" is one letter in Spanish, but My Fellow Gringos (MFGs) would often forget that when faced with that one remaining blank. They'd guess every other letter before realizing I was being a jerk or giving up, whichever came first. Good times, good times.
Moving on now. I want to see someone use the "fist" part of the word "pacifist" in conjunction with punching someone in a movie. I think that would be cool. "I used to be a pacifist, but now I'm a paciFIST!" Pow, right in the kisser. Man, I should be writing movies. (See what I mean by "random assortment of things"?)
I'm very upset about something, but I find it's out of my control. Sports Illustrated's website has a section on it that I read almost every morning. It had one writer I really like in particular who makes puns and jokes each morning, some rumors about trades, and other interesting things. It was called "Scorecard Daily," and I even got my name and comments in there a few times. They changed the name of the section for some reason, and I really couldn't be more displeased with their choice: "Extra Mustard." Seriously, I would rather they name it "Peter Klein Sucks" than that. I f'n hate mustard, and now I don't even want to click on the link to get me to that page. Do they really want me associating their work with "yucky"? I'm not happy, and hopefully they take my email about it seriously.
When I wrote about accents, my homies the Sacky Family wrote in about them pretending to be British. My lovely wife reminded me that once we were in another country, and there were some very obnoxious Americans near us. Not wanting them to hear that we were "like them," we spent the whole meal with me speaking Spanish and her speaking Hebrew. We didn't understand each other, but we avoided having to talk to them. Nice move, eh?
Dusty and I once spent an entire Target shopping trip speaking in Gibberish to each other. I think we were going for "vaguely European," and the cashier seemed to buy the whole thing. When that becomes a marketable skill, I have a feeling we'll be leading seminars throughout the land. Keep an eye out.
Ok, it's Car Watch time!
Have you ever seen the bumper stickers that advertise a place called "The Mystery Spot?" I think it's in Santa Cruz if I remember correctly, but the sticker's always struck me as counterintuitive. Kinda hard to keep the "mystery" going that way, no?
I was behind a big truck yesterday, and the plate was "IV BY IV." I like it. I can say with 100% certainty that I too would resort to roman numerals to get a point across if it were important to me. In fact, maybe my FUF #s should switch to roman numerals so I can be like the...big football game that takes place once a year. Stupid copyrights.
My favorite brother called me to tell me about the bizarre license plate frame he saw. "Happiness is" on the top, and "Biting My Parrot Back" on the bottom. Now what the hell am I supposed to make of that? "Oh yeah, you want a piece of me, well take that, parrot! Oh man, that retribution felt so good!" There are a lot of weirdos out there, friends, and only a small percentage advertise like this one.
Here's a bumper sticker that made me laugh: "Obey Gravity, It's the Law!" Hee hee. I like that.
Saw this license plate: "NOT SURE." Well, at least we have that in common.
Sacky Christi wrote in with the following: "Okay, I was finally on the freeway for more than one mile and got to see three stickers/frames I felt were worth sharing. First - Big yellow caution sticker on a Saturn : Caution: Driver Singing ...we wondered if this were an ex-American idol contestant, or just that loud of a singer. Second: license plate frame: Happiness is being in Hawaii ...at first, I went, Well duh!, and then it made me think of being on vacation, and I had a small moment of bliss as well. Third: a little black sticker with white writing: My cat beat up your cat ...not sure what to make of that one...no kids to brag about and her cats are bullies?" I agree with you, SC. What do you gain by having your cat beat up another? Fines? Angry neighbors?
We watched the American Idol special this week, and they mentioned "Save the Children." I wondered if that was the same company I wrote about in January's post called "Angry on the Inside." I went to www.savethechildren.com and sure enough, the phone number that angered me so much is proudly displayed at the bottom of the page. Normally charities don't make me angry, but in this case, I'm ok with the exception.
Last but certainly not least, my bro asked what will happen when I go out of town for a week in May. I'm very pleased to report that my Bratty Kid Sister will be guest blogging for that week. She's great, so you'll all be in very capable hands. In fact, I've already read what she'll be posting on Monday and Tuesday, and they're perfect.
Good morning everyone, and I hope these words find you well. I've got a random assortment of things for you today on this Friday as well as the standard Car Watch items. Ready to roll? Let's do it.
I got a text message from a number I don't know. It read, "Me w/out u is like a camera w/ no flash, a car w/ no gas, a stripper w/ no ass & a pimp w/ no cash! Send to ten ppl u couldn't live w/out!!" Yes, gentle readers, that is my very first unsolicited chain text message. I have no idea how it reached me, but someone evidently can't live without me (or" w/out" me, as it turns out), so maybe I should just be flattered. Have any of you ever received something like that? I get a lot of calls for someone named Mark, so maybe someone can't live without him and my flattery is totally unfounded. Stupid Mark.
Earlier this week, I wrote about the process of learning Spanish and how much I enjoyed it. I wanted to give you a little more insight into my relationship with that language. Specifically, my favorite words. I have three of them, and they're all equally at the top for different reasons. First, I like the word for "spinach": espinaca. That's just fun to say. Espinaca. Really, no more for that one, I just like how it sounds. Second, I like desafortunadamente, which means "unfortunately." It's eight syllables, so it's hard just to throw into a sentence without sounding funny. "Si, si, quiero hacerlo pero desafortunadamente no puedo." No matter how fast you can roll that word off your tongue, it still drastically changes the pace of the sentence. Lastly, I like the word chantaje, which means "blackmail." I like that that word's in my vocabulary, but I like it more because I would stump people in Spanish Hangman with it. "Ch" is one letter in Spanish, but My Fellow Gringos (MFGs) would often forget that when faced with that one remaining blank. They'd guess every other letter before realizing I was being a jerk or giving up, whichever came first. Good times, good times.
Moving on now. I want to see someone use the "fist" part of the word "pacifist" in conjunction with punching someone in a movie. I think that would be cool. "I used to be a pacifist, but now I'm a paciFIST!" Pow, right in the kisser. Man, I should be writing movies. (See what I mean by "random assortment of things"?)
I'm very upset about something, but I find it's out of my control. Sports Illustrated's website has a section on it that I read almost every morning. It had one writer I really like in particular who makes puns and jokes each morning, some rumors about trades, and other interesting things. It was called "Scorecard Daily," and I even got my name and comments in there a few times. They changed the name of the section for some reason, and I really couldn't be more displeased with their choice: "Extra Mustard." Seriously, I would rather they name it "Peter Klein Sucks" than that. I f'n hate mustard, and now I don't even want to click on the link to get me to that page. Do they really want me associating their work with "yucky"? I'm not happy, and hopefully they take my email about it seriously.
When I wrote about accents, my homies the Sacky Family wrote in about them pretending to be British. My lovely wife reminded me that once we were in another country, and there were some very obnoxious Americans near us. Not wanting them to hear that we were "like them," we spent the whole meal with me speaking Spanish and her speaking Hebrew. We didn't understand each other, but we avoided having to talk to them. Nice move, eh?
Dusty and I once spent an entire Target shopping trip speaking in Gibberish to each other. I think we were going for "vaguely European," and the cashier seemed to buy the whole thing. When that becomes a marketable skill, I have a feeling we'll be leading seminars throughout the land. Keep an eye out.
Ok, it's Car Watch time!
Have you ever seen the bumper stickers that advertise a place called "The Mystery Spot?" I think it's in Santa Cruz if I remember correctly, but the sticker's always struck me as counterintuitive. Kinda hard to keep the "mystery" going that way, no?
I was behind a big truck yesterday, and the plate was "IV BY IV." I like it. I can say with 100% certainty that I too would resort to roman numerals to get a point across if it were important to me. In fact, maybe my FUF #s should switch to roman numerals so I can be like the...big football game that takes place once a year. Stupid copyrights.
My favorite brother called me to tell me about the bizarre license plate frame he saw. "Happiness is" on the top, and "Biting My Parrot Back" on the bottom. Now what the hell am I supposed to make of that? "Oh yeah, you want a piece of me, well take that, parrot! Oh man, that retribution felt so good!" There are a lot of weirdos out there, friends, and only a small percentage advertise like this one.
Here's a bumper sticker that made me laugh: "Obey Gravity, It's the Law!" Hee hee. I like that.
Saw this license plate: "NOT SURE." Well, at least we have that in common.
Sacky Christi wrote in with the following: "Okay, I was finally on the freeway for more than one mile and got to see three stickers/frames I felt were worth sharing. First - Big yellow caution sticker on a Saturn : Caution: Driver Singing ...we wondered if this were an ex-American idol contestant, or just that loud of a singer. Second: license plate frame: Happiness is being in Hawaii ...at first, I went, Well duh!, and then it made me think of being on vacation, and I had a small moment of bliss as well. Third: a little black sticker with white writing: My cat beat up your cat ...not sure what to make of that one...no kids to brag about and her cats are bullies?" I agree with you, SC. What do you gain by having your cat beat up another? Fines? Angry neighbors?
We watched the American Idol special this week, and they mentioned "Save the Children." I wondered if that was the same company I wrote about in January's post called "Angry on the Inside." I went to www.savethechildren.com and sure enough, the phone number that angered me so much is proudly displayed at the bottom of the page. Normally charities don't make me angry, but in this case, I'm ok with the exception.
Last but certainly not least, my bro asked what will happen when I go out of town for a week in May. I'm very pleased to report that my Bratty Kid Sister will be guest blogging for that week. She's great, so you'll all be in very capable hands. In fact, I've already read what she'll be posting on Monday and Tuesday, and they're perfect.
Have a great weekend everyone, and please remember to send ptklein@gmail.com anything you can for future posts or FUF pieces. Desafortunadamente, I can't do it all alone.
4 comments:
Similar to your Mystery Spot, when we were in Dover, England, there were signs everywhere...This way to the Secret Tunnels...Come visit the Secret Tunnels. Not so secret I guess.
I think it's time for you to deal with your mustard hatred, because it appears to be negatively impacting your life (or at least your morning web browsing). At the very least, it's important for you to know that hatred of the substance doesn't need to generalize to hatred of the word and the image. I do hope you will take this seriously and take the necessary steps to remedy this problem and improve your life.
I don't know, honey. I'll try, but that's a pretty tall order. The substance and word are permanently linked in my mind, so when I see "Extra Mustard," I'm extra grossed out. I'll still read the articles, but I'll be making this face while I do. (Are you picturing the face? Good.)
Is that your "disgusting face" or your "regression to the mean face"?
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