Sanitized for your protection

Good morning, one and all. You may say it's now November, but I say it's Yesvember! Actually, that's a lie. I do call it "Novemember" sometimes though, because I have a t-shirt with that typo on it. If someone hadn't pointed that out to me, I don't think I ever would've noticed it. Somewhat similarly, my old boss Kim and I once turned in a logo design for the Orientation Staff t-shirts, and the printing company called back and asked if we intentionally put three Ms in "Summmer." I can't tell you how many times we'd looked at that logo before sending it off, yet neither of us ever noticed that glaring addition. "I thought maybe it was some pun about being delicious or something," the printer said. "No, we're just morons," we replied.

That's not what I'm here to discuss on this fine Sorry Honey It's Thursday, though. No, friends, I caused movement in my memory banks while writing yesterday, and that's where I'm headed for this post. The whole idea of switching words in songs reminded me of the goldmine awaiting me in the wide world of dubbing.

Wow, I don't even know where to start on this one. I'll start with radio edits of songs. These are always hilarious to everyone who knows the uncensored versions. Back in the day, my favorite brother and I found a clean version of some Eazy E rap songs in our cousin Daniel's room. They were so funny that I still prefer them to the originals. Keep in mind that these songs are filled to the brim with profanity, so it amazes me that anyone would ever think to have him record a less offensive version. Throughout one particular song, he turns "bitches" into "girlies" many, many times. As in, "Well I'm Eazy E, I got girlies galore/You may have a lot of girlies but I got much more." The only time he doesn't is when the rhyme needed it there, so instead the just scrambled the sound: "Hittin' my switches/Collect from my VXGWHDL/The money that I make so I can add to my riches." Good times, good times. Oh yeah, and "everybody" is a suitable replacement for "motherfuckers," in case you're ever in a bind.

I think of three other songs right away when it comes to clean versions. First, "Creep" by Radiohead is a clean version and I didn't know it until I got the album. It's a big difference too. In the song I knew from the radio, Thom Yorke sings, "I wish I was special/You're so very special." In the album version, the sentiment changes a little: "I wish I was special/You're so fucking special." Oh, maybe it's not a love song after all.

Another one whose meaning changes dramatically is James Blunt's "You're Beautiful." When he sings on the radio, "She could see from my face that I was flying high," it conjures an image of him happily and longingly gazing at her. When it turns out that his face really showed that he was "fucking high," that conjures an image of red eyes and potato chip crumbs. Yep, that's a little different there, Jimmy.

The third example doesn't really change the meaning as much as it just omits the best part to sing along with. At the end of "Killing In The Name" by Rage Against the Machine, lead singer Zack de la Rocha says (and then screams), "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me" a whopping 16 times in a row before yelling, "Motherfuckerrrrr!" On the radio version, it skips all of that and just goes right to the closing drum sequence. Folks, if you haven't heard this song in its true form, let me assure you that it raises the angst level up a notch when one says that phrase that many times in a row. Go on, try it in your head and start screaming the words after the eighth time. When that came out, I was a teenager and knew everything, so it was even that much better.

It's interesting to see what they alter or bleep and on the radio and what they deem acceptable. It varies by market, which I think would be a fascinating study if any of you were so inclined to take that on as a project. For example, "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger has the words "God damn" in them. That was no problem in Santa Barbara, but Sacramento removed those words from the song when I heard it up there.

Even more interesting (to me at least), some songs are modified after years of being played in their original states. Por ejemplo, I've occasionally heard "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison with the "Making love in the green grass" line removed and replaced with a second "Laughing and a-running, hey hey." Why? Someone apparently came along and said, "Ya know, maybe that will corrupt our youth. Let's do something about it."

The only late-stage modification that I'm ok with is one that recently made me laugh. Since around 95, stations have played a Sublime song called "Caress Me Down." It's got some really dirty lines in it that have never been bleeped out, and they're still not. I enjoy a part of the song in which the lead singer switches to Spanish (and some Spanglish) for a while. I've always felt cool singing along with it while the other gringos wait for the English to come back in. Anyway, one of the lines refers to someone "con un chingo de dinero." Spanish-speaking readers, feel free to correct me, but I've always translated that as the rough equivalent of "a shitload of money" (even though it's technically "a fuck of money"). Well, last month, our L.A. modern rock station finally realized that they probably should take that one word out of the song, so they did. It shocked me after hearing it on the airwaves for a decade, but I can't argue with their decision.

Wow, that's a lot of bad words for one post. I'm almost proud of myself...and shit. You, yeah you out there, have a good day. See you back here for some Follow Up Friday action. I'll return to more under the umbrella of "dubbing" next week. Got anything you wish to share with your friendly neighborhood Peter about anything at all? Email ptklein@gmail.com, and there will be much rejoicing.