Holding up ok?

Good day, chaps and chapettes, and welcome once more to UOPTA. No, that doesn't stand for "Unreliable Organic Products Taste Awful," but I can imagine that to be true. (Thanks to my mom for supplying that UOPTA. She suggested that those products might still have some "natural steer manure" on them, which would contribute to the poor taste. Want to get your own UOPTA in here? Email me at ptklein@gmail.com.) This UOPTA, friends, is where I write down some thoughts and stories, and I hope you enjoy whatever today has to offer.

Readers, I was recently visited by someone who simultaneously amused and concerned me. It was the 19 year-old version of me, and I arrived via old camcorder cassettes. It was really something. I've seen stills of myself at that age recently, but there was something very different about the walking, talking, and being stupid version. I saw old t-shirts that I loved at the time, lanky legs coming out of shorts that I still own, a little more weight, a little less hair, and the same eye-rubbing motion that I still employ today. At one point, my lovely wife told me that I said a line like actor Michael Cera. I immediately pointed out that I'd played the role of Awkward Lanky Jew for many years before he appeared on the scene. So there.

As I watched the video of me and a few friends making stupid movies, I couldn't help but laugh hysterically the entire time. I laughed for several reasons. First, we were pretty funny some of the time. Second, we bombed horribly in other parts. Third, some of the parts that I had found hilarious at the time were very stupid now.

That last one surprised me. I know that that happens with movies all the time. Take Weird Al's cinematic epic, "UHF," for example. As a kid, it was the funniest frickin' thing in the world. Even as a college student, my friends and I found ourselves quoting it all the time. So we rented it one night, and...not so much. I really didn't think that I'd matured too much in that time, and the rather large disparity bothered me. It wasn't just the newness of the jokes when I was young versus hearing them for the thousandth time. When Stanley Spadowski blasted the kid in the face with the firehose, it was hilarious as a kid - even when I knew it was coming. As a semi-grown man, however, I just nodded and waited to see if the next gag would still successfully target my funny bone. It didn't. In fact, it annoyed me, and that's not good.

What makes some movies hold up over the years while others get dated or lose their hilarity? I have a couple of theories that I haven't given nearly enough thought to but plan on tossing out there nonetheless. That is precisely how I roll.

Theory 1: Outdated Technology Corollary

Remember "The Net" with Sandra Bullock? I think you already know where I'm going with this. Basically, it was about a woman having her identity completely erased by way of this new and scary thing called the internet. Well, not only do we really not call it "the net" anymore (in favor of "the web" or just "online"), but it's just a very different culture now. We're not nearly as scared of that new-fangled technology, so the entire premise loses something. Contrastly, the movie "Major League" has held up extremely well. Why's that? Well, nothing much has changed in the game of baseball for over a hundred years (aside from that little integration thing). The positions are the same, they use the same equipment, they talk about the game in the same way, etc. By having the main focus of the movie be something relatively timeless, the filmmakers avoided the OTC.

Theory 2: Ruined By Copycats Syndrome

Ah, the dreaded RBCS. This one is pretty easy for me to explain with two examples. First off, remember how cool "The Matrix" was? Well watch it again, and you'll see that its coolness dissipated almost as fast as Chris Brown's fanclub numbers. The reason is simple: the special effects in "The Matrix" were brand spankin' new. No one had every scene that kind of time-stopping, camera-swerving technique before. A year later, and every director and his/her mother was using that kind of special effects. Even movies like "Shrek" and "Scary Movie" parodied those famous action sequences because they were just that new and different. Once it was everywhere though and we were left to focus on the confusing plot instead of the pretty pictures, something important got lost.

My second RBCS example is "Wayne's World." I loved that movie. I saw it four times in the theater, a Peter Klein record that shall never be broken. Hell, I don't imagine I'll ever see the same movie twice in the theater again (unless there was some mix-up and I had told someone I'd see it with him/her and then I have to pretend the whole time that I was watching it for the first time or a similar reason that would fit nicely into a "Friends" episode). "Wayne's World" was hilarious, and I still quote it quite often. Two things were very new in that movie that resonated with me (and likely others in my age range). First, the language that they used was radically different than even the things they'd said in their SNL skits. "If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be." It was so different that it warranted multiple viewings to even catch it all and realize how funny the smaller, less noteworthy lines were. (The same can be said about the first Austin Powers movie. Maybe that's Mike Meyers' thing.) Second, what was the funniest scene from the movie to many a moviegoer? The guys singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" in the car. It was huge, and caused that song to top the charts despite being old and pretty weird. So what happened? We got used to the language. That's about all I can say about the first of my examples of newness in that movie. We stopped being surprised by "Schwing!" and other phrases that had made their way into my age group's everyday vocabulary. As for the singing in the car scene, well, that got copied like a smart kid's math test. Movie after movie started employing that technique. "Tommy Boy" had Chris Farley and David Spade singing loudly in the car, "Road Trip" had a singing-in-the-bus scene, and even "Jerry Maguire" got in on the action. Because of that, by the time we watched Wayne, Garth, and their friends sing along to Queen for the twenty-fifth time, it's lost something - not because they're less funny, but because of the damage done by the RBCS.

One random item for my peeps before I launch the ever-present Car Watch section: I was on a phone call earlier this week at work, and I tried typing an email at the same time. I'm pretty good at this (as long as I'm not talking at the same time), but there is certainly less thought behind those typed words when it's a part of multi-tasking. I started to write the word "introduction" with "inter." I stopped and questioned it because it just didn't look right, but then I pressed on and wrote out the entire "interduction." I looked again, knew full well that it was wrong this time, deleted it, and waited for my call to end before trying that again. That type of error is of course inexcusable, but partially understandable. If I'm not trying to enunciate clearly, I probably (or "prolly") say "interduction." I definitely say "perscription," I'll tell you that much. Along the same lines, I've seen people write "must of" instead of "must have" because that's how it was sounding in their heads. Again, none of these are ok, but at least it's nice to know that there's sometimes a reason for a typo.

And with that, let's incorrectly spell our ways on over to the Car Watch.

First off, my loving mother-in-law saw a young lady driving a car with this plate: "XY CRAZY." I approve wholeheartedly. Way to create a little turn of phrase with some science on the side. Maybe there's hope for our nation's youth after all.

Next up, I was behind a car a couple of days ago with a license plate frame that confused me. On the top it read, "Psst, Hey Buddy," and on the bottom, "Wanna Buy Some Paper?" I suppose it could just be that he sells paper for a living (like our fictional friends at Dunder-Mifflin) and thought that was a funny way to let that fact be known. Aside from that, I can't think of why one would want to come across as a paper pusher. Hmmm.

Lastly, my homey Rockabye sent me this plate: "TROUBUL." What, with spelling?

That's it for me, party people. I would love to hear your thoughts on which movies have withstood the test of time and which ones look or feel especially dated. I'll be back here next Friday with more thoughts and stories for you. In the meantime, happy 4.5 birthday to little Cameron, who does a wicked version of a Smashing Pumpkins song. Have safe and healthy weekends and weeks, friends, and feel free to email me at ptklein@gmail.com with anything about anything. Peace out.