Good morning, and how's everybody doing on this (beat) Humpday? I'm fine, thank you. No, really, I appreciate you asking.
In my post yesterday, I referred to the dancing Magic Mountain guy and how annoying he is. The first thing I think of with that guy is, "He's on Dusty's list." Allow me to explain: Years ago, we somehow came up with lists of individuals that we really didn't like. The premise was simple: If you were forced to shoot someone, it would be hard to choose among the following people. Don't get me wrong, this wasn't by any means a list of people we wanted dead, just ones we disliked enough that if we were forced to kill someone, they'd merit consideration. Are we horrible people for creating these lists? It's debatable, but first check out the level of people we're dealing with here.
Back in the day, my list looked something like this:
French Stewart from "3rd Rock from the Sun" (for being incredibly annoying)
Fran Drescher from "The Nanny" (for being incredibly annoying)
Kirstie Alley (for being incredibly annoying)
Michael Bolton (for having the same constipated sound in every song)
Toni Braxton (for prominently featuring "Unbreak" in a song)
I know I'm totally missing some, and it's driving me crazy. Dusty's list had a few that overlapped with mine, but his also included:
Fred Schneider from the B52s (for being incredibly annoying)
Magic Mountain Guy (for being incredibly annoying)
My spot-on impression of Fred Schneider did nothing but cement his place on that list, by the way.
In the years since, some people have worked their ways off this list. I don't feel as strongly about Michael Bolton anymore, and since I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be in the debate for the bullet, he's officially off. In essence, fading from the spotlight may have saved his life. Toni Braxton was almost off, but her horrendous performance on last year's American Idol finale kept her on. French Stewart, I'm sorry to say that even though I haven't seen you on tv for years, you still anger me every time I think of you, so you're staying.
There's a newcomer to the list though. I don't know if these radio commercials play everywhere, but if you've heard the guy who says, "You're Killing Me, Larry!" for Sit N' Sleep commercials, I have to believe that you'd agree with me. I can't change the station fast enough. They already had one catch phrase ("Or your mattress is FREEEEEE!), yet they felt compelled to add him and his stupid ass. Yes, I'm resorting to name-calling now.
Again, let me state clearly that I don't wish death upon any of these people - I'm sure they all have some redeeming qualities (with the possible exception of Kirstie Alley). What I'd really like to know is who you, gentle readers, would have on your lists. Please refrain from putting people you actually know, because I don't want to be called as a witness in the ensuing trial. And please leave politicians out of it, because as a general rule I try to avoid breaking federal laws. So comment away, and on that happy note, have a great day.
In my post yesterday, I referred to the dancing Magic Mountain guy and how annoying he is. The first thing I think of with that guy is, "He's on Dusty's list." Allow me to explain: Years ago, we somehow came up with lists of individuals that we really didn't like. The premise was simple: If you were forced to shoot someone, it would be hard to choose among the following people. Don't get me wrong, this wasn't by any means a list of people we wanted dead, just ones we disliked enough that if we were forced to kill someone, they'd merit consideration. Are we horrible people for creating these lists? It's debatable, but first check out the level of people we're dealing with here.
Back in the day, my list looked something like this:
French Stewart from "3rd Rock from the Sun" (for being incredibly annoying)
Fran Drescher from "The Nanny" (for being incredibly annoying)
Kirstie Alley (for being incredibly annoying)
Michael Bolton (for having the same constipated sound in every song)
Toni Braxton (for prominently featuring "Unbreak" in a song)
I know I'm totally missing some, and it's driving me crazy. Dusty's list had a few that overlapped with mine, but his also included:
Fred Schneider from the B52s (for being incredibly annoying)
Magic Mountain Guy (for being incredibly annoying)
My spot-on impression of Fred Schneider did nothing but cement his place on that list, by the way.
In the years since, some people have worked their ways off this list. I don't feel as strongly about Michael Bolton anymore, and since I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be in the debate for the bullet, he's officially off. In essence, fading from the spotlight may have saved his life. Toni Braxton was almost off, but her horrendous performance on last year's American Idol finale kept her on. French Stewart, I'm sorry to say that even though I haven't seen you on tv for years, you still anger me every time I think of you, so you're staying.
There's a newcomer to the list though. I don't know if these radio commercials play everywhere, but if you've heard the guy who says, "You're Killing Me, Larry!" for Sit N' Sleep commercials, I have to believe that you'd agree with me. I can't change the station fast enough. They already had one catch phrase ("Or your mattress is FREEEEEE!), yet they felt compelled to add him and his stupid ass. Yes, I'm resorting to name-calling now.
Again, let me state clearly that I don't wish death upon any of these people - I'm sure they all have some redeeming qualities (with the possible exception of Kirstie Alley). What I'd really like to know is who you, gentle readers, would have on your lists. Please refrain from putting people you actually know, because I don't want to be called as a witness in the ensuing trial. And please leave politicians out of it, because as a general rule I try to avoid breaking federal laws. So comment away, and on that happy note, have a great day.
7 comments:
Peter what about Lamb Chop that puppet that you love? I'm sure he was one of the ones you forgot about. I personally would put Curtis on the list, oh wait Jack already shot him...in the neck!
JDL
Man, I do hate Lamb Chop, but he/she/it's unfortunately disqualified for two reasons: 1. Not a real person. 2. The real person whose hand was up LC's bum died. I guess actual death is the only sure-fire way to get off the list.
I'd like a bullet with Paris Hilton's name on it. And please feel free to off anyone in a Carl's Jr. commercial.
Oh damn. You mean you don't love "Love Shack" by the B-52's?
Please put Eric Estrada on the hit list.
Pop
Hey Pop,
It's Dusty who doesn't appreciate the vocal stylings of Fred Schneider, not I. And your not the first to refer to this as a "hit list" - please allow to more emphatically state that these names are the answer to a very hypotetical question. If I were forced to shoot one person in the world, I would have to consider those people. See how gentle that sounds? Peace and love, yo, peace and love.
I'd love to contribute a useful name, but I'm guessing college professors are probably out (gosh, you'd think after 7 years I'd be over that!).
:)
A few years ago, Bob Saget would have been on my list. But, I have come to embrace the new, crude Saget. So he gets a pardon.
I'd like to offer an openly generic bullet to any female that is selling items in an infomercial on QVC. They all shout their annoyingly, high-pitched, one-note voices. Damn that is frustrating.
Oh, and Kevin Federline too.
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