In-flight entertainment

Good morning everyone, and happy Hump Day to you all. I got in from Miami late last night and I have more real work than normal, so this will be more brief than normal.

There were two things I was going to write about in detail. First, I got to the airport way early to get work done on my laptop, but after paying $10 for the wi-fi there, it hardly worked then eventually didn't work at all. It takes a lot for me to write a complaint email, but that waste of time and money got me there.

The second thing was the movie choice on the plane ride back. A late-night flight from Miami to Los Angeles, and the powers that be decided to put the animated kids' movie "Open Season" on. The preview they showed looked horrible enough that I didn't even give it a chance. On the way there, they showed "The Illusionist," which makes a lot more sense. (By the way, that movie gave the illusion of being somewhat good from the preview.)

So, I said "I was going to write about in detail" because while sitting on the plane, boredom struck. I had two crossword puzzles and four sudokus, but I either finished or got stuck on them. So naturally, I did what any of you would've done: I turned to haiku. Traditional Japanese haiku is not what we typically see in the States. The 5-7-5 syllable structure isn't really rigid at all, and the first line tends to have a "season word" in it, like mentioning the cherry blossom to denote springtime. Since those are actual poems, I stuck with simply counting syllables.

One last note: my brother's first name has 5 letters in it, his middle has 7, and his last has 5. I once called to tell him that he mimicked the haiku pattern of syllables, but he already knew that. Ah, genetics.

Here you go:

The airport wi-fi

has low connectivity

I give my mi-fi

I insert the flap
into the metal buckle
just like a good boy.

Seat 24G

looks just like 24F

but with half the ass

Airplane miracles:

three dollar snickerdoodles

and pillows that hurt

I'm such a rebel -
I would help others before
securing my mask.

The songs of Weezer

work remarkably well with

dumb, muted movies

I feel you staring

get your own damn sudoku

and step off, bee-otch

The guy next to me

gets his black carry-on bag;

I get ass in face

The flight attendant

did more than attend the flight.

She should get a raise.

It won't recline more.

Trust me, it won't recline more.

Please - please - stop trying.

Nothing like snoring

to distract haiku writing.

Thanks, 22H.

SkyMall magazine:

Full of things I never knew

I never wanted

I got up to pee

out of sheer boredom alone

and still went. I rule.

Emergency doors

could still be fun to open,

all things considered.

My light just turned off.

I quickly turned it back on.

Yep, that's a highlight.

Someone mis-entered

the in-flight crossword puzzle.

Frickin' amateurs.

Two and a Half Men:

"Comedic entertainment"?

Uh, I don't think so.

Little booze bottles
are a larger saftey threat
than Peter's hair gel.

Chewing gum relieves
ear pressure, not peer pressure.
An honest mistake.

Just one hour left.
This was a good diversion;
Thanks, gentle readers.