FUF #28

Hello and good morning, my homies. I don't really know what I'm writing about yet, so I might just be...making FUF out of nothing at all. Making FUF! Out of nothing at all. Making FUF! Sorry, and I further apologize if you all have Air Supply in your head for the next few hours. That's actually a really good song, especially when the electric guitar kicks in after the "make all the stadiums rock" line. Moving on, welcome to another Follow Up Friday. I intend to ramble and then settle down in time for this week's Car Watch, presented by...oh wait, I don't have any sponsors.

First off, and most importantly, I want to wish a Happy Anniversary to my favorite brother Kevin and my favorite sister-in-law Ilyse. It's now been four years since Weezie officially became part of the Klein family, and more importantly, four years since the best Best Man speech of all time. Happy Anniversary you two.

In yesterday's post, I wrote about the subset of jokes that are super-duper-contrived and annoy me quite a bit. In writing that, I remembered a couple of other jokes from my childhood that made me laugh. I'm about to get R-rated, so if you're easily offended, it's been nice having you here as a reader. There were jokes that started like this: "So there's this boy named Johnny Fuckerfaster." And we're just supposed to accept this! "Ok, yeah, I've met some Fuckerfasters before so this premise is reasonable enough for me. Please continue." Amazingly, he ends up having sex with someone when a parent or teacher walks in and yells his name. He replies with something like, "I'm trying, Mom, but I'm getting tired!" And scene. Is there anyone out there who hears the beginning of that joke and honestly has no idea where it will end?

Oh yeah, there were jokes featuring "Johnny Deeper" also. As Gob would say, "Come on!" Who approved these jokes? I guess kids of that age aren't too good at picking up on foreshadowing. Why not go all the way with this and have jokes with "Johnny Stopdonkeypunchingyourteacher" as your protagonist? We could create an entire series of misadventures. We could always change it to "Jimmy" if there were any objections to the name.

On Wednesday, I wrote about how I'm annoyed by the ten seconds of cover-your-ass mumbling at the end of every radio commercial. Even though I find it unnecessary, I can still see where they're coming from to an extent. What I can't get behind whatsoever is what happens when I want to leave a message on someone's cell phone. After the whole, "Hey I'm not here; leave me a message and I'll call you back," I'm accosted by superfluous information. Some lady tells me, "At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press pound for more options." Sometimes there's even another sentence tacked on. Riddle me this, gentle readers: who, at this point in our electronic revolution, does not know to wait for the beep? I just want to leave a message, lady; please stop talking and let me go about my business.

A couple of final items: My mom thought the term was "inclimate weather" also and had never seen the word "inclement" in writing. Please let me know if we're the only two who thought that or if it's a pandemic. We need some strength in numbers here, folks.

Also, I mentioned somewhere in this past week about someone making a very confused face. My dad made the ultimate confused look last weekend when my lovely wife's friend said that she was getting her advanced degree in Art Therapy. It was a classic moment, I tell ya.

Car Watch time!

Here's one you don't see every day. I did a double-take upon spying a bumper sticker that read, "Stay Home, Don't Vote." Really? I didn't think there was anyone on the other side of that cause.

While out to dinner with my parents and our good friend Ellie, my dad noticed a car for sale across the street. On its window, it boasted, "Runs Ext!" We guessed that it's supposed to be an abbreviation for "excellent" (albeit a wrong one). I joked that you only get the car for the listed price in it's current, non-working condition. You want it to actually run? That'll cost ya extra.

I can't tell if I saw this one or if someone sent it to me because my text message to myself was ambiguous. I'm gonna say it was all me. I, yes I, saw a plate that said, "FEELOVE." If it's "feel" and "love" sharing a consonant, don't you think that's a weird command to be issuing to everyone around you. A nice sentiment, don't get me wrong, but "love one another" does the same thing without telling people to get felt.

My often-driving friend Rockabye sent me a plate that said "AMOROMA." He pointed out (rightfully) that it's a palindrome. Essentially, they're saying "Here's some Spanish love frontwards and backwards, baby." It's either that or a combination of "amor" and "aroma," thereby making it "the smell of Spanish love." I'll let you decide on that.

He also saw another plate: "DUBLE07." Normally, I'd just think that was somewhat cool. This time though, it was on an Aston Martin, so that's really almost as cool as cool can be. I know cool, cool was a close personal friend of mine, and that car is cool.

My dad wanted to get in on the sweet Car Watch action, and really, can you blame him? He saw "S1ERFUL" on a license plate. Yeah, it truly is wunnerful. Come on, man, if S1DRFUL or S1DERFL are taken and you can't think of another accurate way to say it, just let it go.

The last two of the day come from my friend Dusty. First off, a bumper sticker report: "Pride is everything. Buy US made and 'Get ya some!'" I'm not positive, but I think that guy is offering sexual favors in exchange for people buying things made in this country. I don't want to be classified as a traitor, but I'm going on the record and saying that shit ain't right.

The other one from Dusty was a Toyota license plate that says "IGOTGAS." Bastard! That's who got that plate before I could. Dusty was quick to point out that it wasn't a Prius or other hybrid, just a Corolla. How cute that he actually thought it was about fuel.

Ok, that's it for now. It's been nice talking at you all week, gentle readers. Feel free to chime in at any point by either commenting or writing to ptklein@gmail.com. I'll see you back here on Monday, and may your weekend be filled with Shaloha.