FUF #29

If you printed this post out and are currently reading it while going to the top floor in a large building, one might say you have...FUF in an elevator! Yeah, that was pretty forced. I said about a month ago that I'm running out of these things, and if you don't help me out by sending ideas to ptklein@gmail.com, you'll be subjected to more badly formed puns like that. That's not good for anybody. Good morning, my friends. It's good to see you again. Yes, today is another Follow Up Friday, so let's get right to F'ing U.

I spent the entire week talking about different food things, so some of my FU pieces of this FUF will also center around that staple of existence. First of all, I couldn't find a place to write specifically about my sushi-eating evolution. I can very clearly remember being at my friend Suzanne's old apartment for a party and deciding that I would try a California roll for the first time. I dipped it in a lot of soy sauce, asked if I was supposed to eat it all at once or bite it in half, then popped it in my mouth. I kinda liked it, which opened the door to me eating more California rolls over the next year or so. I then slowly branched out to the tuna family, and still eat regular and spicy versions of tuna, yellowtail, and albacore almost exclusively. Who knows, maybe five years from now I'll be having some smelt egg on unagi. I highly doubt it, since even typing that made my gag reflex say hello to me.

I wrote a bunch on Monday and Tuesday about spicy foods, and I failed to mention my relationship with Tapatio. I've brought it up somewhere in this blog before because I see I have a tag on the righthand side for "tapatio," but I should've included it somewhere this week. It's a great sauce, and it adds a great kick to whatever I put it on. I have a bottle at home and one at work with me, which comes in handy. If my co-worker Rob and I split a breakfast burrito in the morning, I'm able to make it even more glorious than it already is with a couple drops here and there. Cholula is very good too, but I'm a Tapatio guy. It cracks me up, because a bottle of it is around 70 cents at the market, and it lasts me a good deal of time. You just don't get that kind of value often enough nowadays, my friends.

Newish-but-very-loyal-reader Wendy wrote me an email this Wednesday to tell me that she noticed one of her co-workers was wearing white pants. White Pants Wednesday lives on! That made me very happy. I guess it's only a matter of time before all of my blog oddities (bloddities?) spread throughout society. I can't wait to see Paul Moyer end his newscast with "Shaloha," or hear a Sportscenter anchor yell "Watchoyos!" after a big dunk.

My boss's daughter was working in the office a little over the summer, and one day she was extremely bored and asked if I had anything for her to do. "Actually, yes," I said. "You know how PETA is the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals? Well I'm looking for a good 'ER' so PETER can stand for something similar." Naturally, that wasn't what she was expecting to hear. Still, she stuck with it and provided me with a few good ones. People for the Ethical Treatment of Emo Rockers tickled my fancy, as did Elderly Rockstars. "I'm sorry, Mr. Jagger, but I can't let you go on another tour. I'm here from PETER, and we think that would be detrimental to your health." I suggested that Erroneous Rabbis might need some protection. If they accidentally say that Isaac said something instead of Abraham, that could lead to quite the angry congregation. "Stand back, everyone. Rabbi, come with us; we're from PETER and we'll take you to safety." Gentle readers, I'm not being rhetorical here: what do you think the ER could stand for? Please comment away.

Last week, I wrote about the disclaimers at the end of radio commercials and how they bug me. A couple of days ago, I heard a commercial for McDonald's that ended with, "Breakfast available during breakfast hours only." I sure hope stating things that are that obvious doesn't become a trend. I'd hate to hear a commercial for Lakers' basketball end with, "Laker games only available on television during times that the Lakers are actually playing basketball. Some restrictions apply. Void where prohibited."

And now, will you please welcome to the stage...Car Watch!

First off, I was behind a car with a license plate frame for Aston Martin of Beverly Hills. The thing is, it was a frickin' Nissan Sentra. How does that happen? The two were so incongruous that I actually laughed out loud in my car. "Ha!" I said. Just one "ha," so it wasn't hilarious or anything.

I also saw a plate that read "IN2CARZ." At the same time? That's almost physically impossible. I looked pretty carefully and only saw the driver in one car, so I think he was full of shit.

My lovely wife saw a car in a parking lot with "(Heart) 2 PMS" as its plate. What else could that mean? The 2 really seals the deal for me. Just "I (Heart) PMS" and I'm willing to say it's someone's initials. Unless this is someone who loves two different Prime Ministers (say, Thatcher and Blair, for example), it's gotta be a woman with her tongue firmly planted in her cheek. The day after Amber told me about this plate, we saw it together in another parking lot. At least now I know that she doesn't make stuff up just to get a FUF shout-out.

My homey Rockabye sent me this plate that he spied: "GODSPRP." I'm asking seriously here - what does that mean? Is the person a perp for God? Is it an abbreviation (and a bad one) for "God's purpose?" Does the person think God is purple? I honestly don't know and request any insight you may have on this, gentle readers.

Rockabye also saw "MOC3" on the plate of a Porche. Even though they're exaggerating just a bit, I'm willing to let it slide. I wouldn't be so kind to a Nissan Sentra with that plate.

I'm pleased to announce that my longtime homeboy Silver sent in his first Car Watch item. The plate: "VEHICLE." I think he put it best himself when he wrote, "Really? I wouldn't have guessed that from the fact that someone was sitting inside the 4-wheeled contraption, going from Point A to Point B." Well said, my friend. I don't mean to nitpick, but that car could use a bumper sticker that says, "This vehicle can only be classified as a Moving Vehicle during times in which it is moving." Otherwise, people can get all screwed up.

Lastly, I saw a Nebraska license plate. That's it. I just don't see those very often.

Have a great holiday weekend, my friends. Ladies, if any of you are very pregnant out there, I think going into labor on Labor Day would be a hoot. Just a suggestion.