Social situations

Hello again, friends. How are you on this Sorry Honey It's Thursday? I like a good SHIT as much as the next guy, but I'm really looking forward to the weekend. Oh boy, I just made myself think of something. My topic that I was supposed to talk about on Wednesday may have to be on hold again, because I'm not sure how long this one will take.

My very first quarter of college at UCSB, I took Sociology 1 with Professor Richard Appelbaum. It fulfilled a General Education requirement, and I figured since my mom majored in Soc, it couldn't be all that bad. As luck would have it, some very nice young lady named Amber ended up taking that class as well. Naturally, one can only sit next to me for so long before wanting to become my wife, so that worked out splendidly.

It was a very interesting time for a Sociology course. Our second class meeting of the quarter was the day that the OJ verdict was handed down. For those of you who are unfamiliar with that case, seriously, what the hell is your problem? Anyway, I watched the verdict in my residence hall's lounge with a bunch of people, then hopped on my bike and went to class in IV Theater 1. The first order of business was to play the video clip for the class, since many hadn't yet seen it, and come on, this was Sociology. It was eye-opening. The reactions were clearly split amongst racial lines, which isn't surprising in retrospect but it was right then. The small number of cheers were louder than the large number of groans, and it led to an interesting discussion that lasted the entire lecture. It was a great introduction to the differences between high school and college. People were speaking their minds, freely disagreeing with each other's statements without being challenging, and questioning things (like the legal system) that just weren't questioned in the high school bubble. Sociologically, it was very interesting as an observer, regardless of my personal views.

Yet that's not what I thought of in my little intro this morning to sidetrack me. I wouldn't say that Professor Appelbaum was an outwardly humorous man, but every once in a while he'd say something hilarious and catch us all off guard. For example, I don't remember how this possibly came up, but he actually told our lecture hall of 500 students, "Sometimes there's really nothing better than a good shit." I hope my lovely wife remembers the context more, because I'm at a loss. All I know is that I agreed with him then and I still do to this day.

I only remember a few other things from that class, which is probably why I got a C. First, he was once discussing how the same thing can seem very different depending on the circumstances involved. His example stuck with me, and I think you'll see why. He said that we swallow some high number of ounces of our own saliva on a daily basis. We nodded, since that's a given. He asked us how we'd feel about spitting into a glass all day and then sipping from that full glass at night. We all made the requisite "Ewww" sounds. He asked us why, and the only answer we could really give was that it was "just gross." His point was taken though, and I think about it every night before I down my pint glass of the day's spit.

Another thing I remember from that class is that I had my first email interaction with a professor. During a lecture about the prevalence of violence in society and our relative acceptance of it, he presented a slide show of several images. One of them was the cover of the cd single for "If I Had a Gun" by The Dead Milkmen. (That's today's opening photo, by the way.) Professor Appelbaum showed it and made some comment about how sad it is to see that song's title with the picture of a child, and that violence unfortunately is not kept within boundaries of age, race, socioeconomic status, etc. Some people made agreeing sounds in the lecture hall, but I didn't. If I hadn't been a shy and scared freshman, I would've spoken up right then and there. Instead, I emailed him. I don't remember word for word what I said, but I know I included the lyrics. Here they are:

Would I be amused
Would you be impressed
That I had the power
To put a hole into your chest?
When the kids are crying
And the welfare check's been spent
Would I rob a liquor store
To get some money for the rent?

If I had a gun

Would I start smoking Marlboros?
Would I stop smoking Kents?
Would I gain some new respect?
Would I gain some confidence?
Would I suddenly go crazy
And shoot my family?
And see myself years later
On some crime show on TV

If I had a gun

Would I wear it in a holster?
Would I keep it concealed?
Would I put it on the table
Every time that I'm mis-dealed?
When I hear a nearby gunshot
When I'm up at night alone
Would I feel a little safer
Here in my urban home?

If I had a gun

I explained to Professor Appelbaum that The Dead Milkmen are satirists, and that I was pretty sure they shared the same views on violence as he did. After all, these are the same guys who have a song about kids who drink bleach as their way of rebelling against the establishment (in "Bleach Boys") and have this wonderful exchange in "Beach Party Vietnam":


Annette: Hey Frankie, aren't you gonna give me your class ring?
Frankie: I'm afraid I can't do that, Annette.
Annette: Why not?
Frankie: 'Cause I don't have any arms!
Both: AHHH!

They even cook their hotdogs with napalm in the song, for Pete's sake. Without many examples, I still managed to make my point to the professor. He wrote back and apologized for his mischaracterization of the song. "I guess I didn't get the 'milk' of the meaning," he said. He said he'd be interested in hearing the song, but I was too afraid to ever approach him. (I've come out of my shell a little since then, in case you couldn't tell.) Still, I was proud of myself for speaking up - albeit electronically - and disagreeing with something an authority figure said. It was one of my "welcome to higher learning" moments, and it's stuck with me.

Wow, it looks like this turned into a post of its own, now doesn't it? Lucky me. As my blog post ideas dwindle, I love it when that happens. Tune in tomorrow for yet another FUF in the long line of FUFdom. As always, ptklein@gmail.com is there for you if you have something on your mind that you wish to share. Enjoy your SHIT, gentle readers.