In a feeble attempt to keep the sports theme alive for another day, I'm going to ramble for a while before getting to today's topic (with an awesome transition, just you wait). One aspect of sports that I've gotten into a little more over the past few years is the draft. Specifically, the NBA draft. It used to be that I'd know only a couple of players from the NCAA tournament, and it was cool to see which team they went to. It was even more cool to see them don the hat of their new team and shake the commissioner's hand for a picture.
Now though, the sports media outlets start hyping people during their junior year of high school, so by the time someone finishes his freshman year of college, I've been told all about their strengths, weaknesses, comparisons to current players, and where they should go in the draft. Heaven forbid any of these kids (yes, kids) want to stay in college another year or two to get better. I understand them leaving school once projected to be in the first round: it guarantees them millions of dollars in a contract when going back to school could result in a poor year, or worse, a career-ending injury. I have no problem whatsoever with that, I'm just tired of the talking heads telling me that someone's going to be an NBA Hall of Famer before he's stepped onto a college court.
By the time the draft rolls around, so many sites have already told us where someone should be selected that there's wild disappointment and second-guessing any time that's not the case. How could they pass on the guy that everyone says will be "the next Kevin Garnett" for someone who might only be "the next Elton Brand?" It's ridiculous, but since the players get so much coverage, I'm fully in that second-guessing crowd, often based solely on what others are saying since I don't watch much in the way of college basketball.
I bring all of this up because any time I'm going out of town, I hold a draft of my own. (Damn, that was one mighty fine transition.) I don't remember how this started, but I've been doing it for years now: The Toiletries Draft. Yes, I hold a mini draft in my head while putting my toiletries into my brown leather toiletry bag. And yes, I know how odd that sounds.
I always start by putting all of the potential draftees out on the counter and clear out the bag. Then I make some general opening statement in which I welcome people to the 2007 Toiletry Draft, sometimes brought to you by a made up sponsor (depending on where I'm going). There are many strategies involved, and it's not always the biggest items that go first. My aftershave lotion isn't as big as my deodorant, but it should probably go in first to secure the coveted end space to get lodged in by the deodorant. You see, there's a science to my madness.
I then picture NBA commissioner David Stern walking up to the podium: "With the first pick in the 2007 Toiletry Draft, Peter Klein selects...Hair Gel." I grab the gel and place it right where it should go to maximize the space (to thunderous applause, of course). "With the second pick in the 2007 Toiletry Draft, Peter Klein selects...Old Spice High Endurance Deodorant." Boos rain down from the rafters and the commentators start shaking their heads. "Well this is a surprise, folks," they say. "We expected Shampoo to go here, but clearly Peter saw something he liked in the pre-draft workouts from Deodorant. Shampoo should be a steal with the third pick."
"With the third pick in the 2007 Toiletry Draft, Peter Klein selects...Shaving Cream." The crowd is stunned. "We didn't see this one coming," the commentator says, "Shaving Cream wasn't eligible for the last draft because Peter was going to Vegas and wanted to remain scruffy, so his draft stock fell quite a bit." And so it goes. It takes longer than it should, but overall just a couple more minutes than normal people take. It's a little heartbreaking at the end when I see the draft hopefuls that weren't selected this time (mouthwash, nail clippers, etc.), but there's always next time. And Hand Lotion is showing tremendous potential; he's projected to be the next Conditioner.
Have a good day, gentle readers, and remember to make sound choices today. Please email ptklein@gmail.com with any sights, thoughts, gripes, questions, or suggestions for a Follow Up Friday.
Now though, the sports media outlets start hyping people during their junior year of high school, so by the time someone finishes his freshman year of college, I've been told all about their strengths, weaknesses, comparisons to current players, and where they should go in the draft. Heaven forbid any of these kids (yes, kids) want to stay in college another year or two to get better. I understand them leaving school once projected to be in the first round: it guarantees them millions of dollars in a contract when going back to school could result in a poor year, or worse, a career-ending injury. I have no problem whatsoever with that, I'm just tired of the talking heads telling me that someone's going to be an NBA Hall of Famer before he's stepped onto a college court.
By the time the draft rolls around, so many sites have already told us where someone should be selected that there's wild disappointment and second-guessing any time that's not the case. How could they pass on the guy that everyone says will be "the next Kevin Garnett" for someone who might only be "the next Elton Brand?" It's ridiculous, but since the players get so much coverage, I'm fully in that second-guessing crowd, often based solely on what others are saying since I don't watch much in the way of college basketball.
I bring all of this up because any time I'm going out of town, I hold a draft of my own. (Damn, that was one mighty fine transition.) I don't remember how this started, but I've been doing it for years now: The Toiletries Draft. Yes, I hold a mini draft in my head while putting my toiletries into my brown leather toiletry bag. And yes, I know how odd that sounds.
I always start by putting all of the potential draftees out on the counter and clear out the bag. Then I make some general opening statement in which I welcome people to the 2007 Toiletry Draft, sometimes brought to you by a made up sponsor (depending on where I'm going). There are many strategies involved, and it's not always the biggest items that go first. My aftershave lotion isn't as big as my deodorant, but it should probably go in first to secure the coveted end space to get lodged in by the deodorant. You see, there's a science to my madness.
I then picture NBA commissioner David Stern walking up to the podium: "With the first pick in the 2007 Toiletry Draft, Peter Klein selects...Hair Gel." I grab the gel and place it right where it should go to maximize the space (to thunderous applause, of course). "With the second pick in the 2007 Toiletry Draft, Peter Klein selects...Old Spice High Endurance Deodorant." Boos rain down from the rafters and the commentators start shaking their heads. "Well this is a surprise, folks," they say. "We expected Shampoo to go here, but clearly Peter saw something he liked in the pre-draft workouts from Deodorant. Shampoo should be a steal with the third pick."
"With the third pick in the 2007 Toiletry Draft, Peter Klein selects...Shaving Cream." The crowd is stunned. "We didn't see this one coming," the commentator says, "Shaving Cream wasn't eligible for the last draft because Peter was going to Vegas and wanted to remain scruffy, so his draft stock fell quite a bit." And so it goes. It takes longer than it should, but overall just a couple more minutes than normal people take. It's a little heartbreaking at the end when I see the draft hopefuls that weren't selected this time (mouthwash, nail clippers, etc.), but there's always next time. And Hand Lotion is showing tremendous potential; he's projected to be the next Conditioner.
Have a good day, gentle readers, and remember to make sound choices today. Please email ptklein@gmail.com with any sights, thoughts, gripes, questions, or suggestions for a Follow Up Friday.
3 comments:
You really don't ever "need" to include a pair of store bought nail clippers with your toiletries since you carry your "own" nail clippers with you where ever you go! ; - )
Yeah, but since I'm not flexible enough for the toes, they occasionally come in handy. Damn inflexibility.
Yoga, anyone???
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