FUF #12

Hi everyone. I'm Peter, and it's Friday. Therefore, to know, know, know me is to FUF, FUF, FUF me. Can't argue with that logic. Ok, maybe you can, but I'm not listening. It's hard to come up with different FUF puns each week (even bad ones), so if you'll allow me to substitute it for "love," we can keep this going a little longer. With that, let's F-U.

Since it is a Follow Up Friday, I'm going to tell a couple of stories that are loosely-related to things from this week, then turn to you all for thoughts and a new installment of Car Watch.

First though, I have a completely unrelated item because that's how I roll. I want to tell you about a dream I had last night. I was with a few people who wanted to play bridge, and I agreed even though I only know a bit about how to play. The way this game was played in the dream was a little different though. The first step was not declaring a bid, but rather announcing which of the Smurfs would be your patron saint for that hand. I looked over to the side, and there was a line of plastic Smurf heads to serve as a reference. The one you choose is suppose to communicate something to your partner, like the opening round of real bidding (but with Smurf heads, obviously). I didn't want to give any mixed signals, so I took who I thought would be the most generic one: Papa Smurf. Then the bidding started, and it was close to normal, but someone jumped from "2 diamonds" to "Ace of Diamonds," which isn't a real bid. I woke up just a minute later and made a point of remembering as much as I could to share with you. I don't remember any of the people I was playing with, but I can still recall seeing Papa Smurf's head at the end of the line and thinking that would be the best representation of my hand.

By the way, I've never written that last sentence before. Ah, if I only knew a psychologist who could help me interpret what that dream could possibly mean.

In two different posts this week, I made reference to the rain. In one, I specifically mentioned how the media in California overreacts a little come storm time. It started years ago when the stations started boasting about their weather technology. They had "the Doppler machine," and it had the power to tell us when it occasionally wouldn't be sunny. I was ok with that, because it's nice to have a heads-up when I'm going to need long sleeves. Then Channel 7 started calling theirs the "Doppler 7000." That was a little ridiculous, but it didn't bother me too much. (After all, they could've made it the "Doppler 7 Billion.") However, I recently saw a commercial for the news that boasted that they'd give us the weather using their "Live Mega Doppler 7000 HD." I shit you not. How unnecessary is that? Actually, I'm going to answer that. "Live": it had better be live if you're telling me the weather for today or tomorrow. "Mega": a cop out for anytime someone wants to make something sound big. It makes me think of Mega Maid from "Spaceballs," and I'm pretty sure that's not what they're going for. "HD": that's great that they're broadcasting the news in HD for those who have the equipment, but I don't know if that would sway someone to their program over non-HD-weather reports. Overall, I give it a solid 9 on the Klein Unnecessary Scale. I know that's high, but hearing it made me laugh out loud and say, "Oh come on!" That's a nine in my blog, gentle readers.

And now onto observations from the week:

My Mother-in-Law was in a store when a sign caught her eye. It said "FREE" written on the top of in big and bright letters. (That would certainly catch my eye too, by the way.) She looked closer, and the rest of the sign said, "...ride in a police car if you steal from this establishment." Oh snap!

Car Watch!

Rockabye wrote in saying that he saw a bumper sticker reading, "I am an artist and I vote." I've seen similar ones that say things like "Another voter for off-leash dog parks," etc. This one though sounds more to me like s/he's listing random attributes for a dating site or something. "I'm an artist...and I vote...Oh yeah, I enjoy renting movies...and I like sour dill pickles." Mazel tov.

Rockabye also saw this bumper sticker: "Hi. I don't care. Thanks." I'm sure that comes in handy when...actually, I'm not sure about that. Maybe if someone's on their ass and wants to get around them, then the sticker can anger said tailgater more. I don't know. Any thoughts?

I saw a sticker I thought was worth sharing: "Turn Off TV. Turn On Life." Ok, but, um, can you just show me where that life switch is again? I always forget. No, I understand what they're saying, but am I to believe that person never watches any tv? Even if it's just for five minutes to get the news, those must be a guilt-ridden five minutes. Unless I'm reading this whole thing wrong, and this person is saying that TV is the backbone of all life, and when you turn your set of, your turning on life (like a traitor). Yeah, that's probably what it means. Sorry I read it wrong at first.

My Mother-in-Law was talking a little bit ago about the bumper sticker that many of you may have seen with the American flag and "These Colors Don't Run" on it. Well, Dusty wrote me saying the following: "Dead ringer for the real sticker with the U.S. flag - These Colors Don't Run...The World." I thought that was pretty clever, and I usually appreciate turns on common phrases regardless of the message.

Lastly, I saw this on the car in front of me: "What Do You Do? I Launch Rockets!" I so badly wanted to pass the car and give a super sarcastic thumbs up and "Yeah! Way to go, man! You frickin' rock, dude!" to the driver, but he was gone too fast.

Ok, that's it for now, my friends. Have a great weekend, un Cinco de Mayo muy festivo, and we'll meet back here Monday. Please remember to write to ptklein@gmail.com with your thoughts and observations. Otherwise, you'll have to read about more of my dreams, and that's a pretty scary proposition.