My friends and I have a lot of nicknames for each other. There's one whole class of names that deserves its own post, but the others usually happen organically. Someone will say something, it'll stick a little, then someone else will use it, and bam - new name. One that never caught on though is when I would call my friend Greg, "Gregor Mendel, the Father of Genetics." I think it was just a smidge on the wrong side of the catchiness hill.
In any case, that's my lead-in to talking about genetics. A few times throughout my posts and comments, I've referred to the power of genetics. Usually it's been after one or both of my parents posted something strange, leading me to thank/blame them for my oddities. But it doesn't stop there. Even though I've been the "wacky brother" for a while, the purpose of this post is to prove that my brother Kevin is not only in the same tree, but comfortable residing on the same strange branch as me.
Back when we were kids, Kevin and I were typical brothers. We played a lot together, had tons of fun, made up silly games, etc. Naturally, we also fought from time to time. More accurately, he fought with me. I was an angel. He didn't physically hurt me on more than a few occasions, but it was the psychological warfare that helped him achieve his position of power in the siblinghood. Holding a basketball like he was going to throw it at me had the same (or greater) effect as actually throwing it at me, but without any bruises I could show our parents as evidence of his deeds. He was very smart about how he tormented me, and I have a story that perfectly illustrates that.
Kevin started calling me "Dork Boy," most likely because I protested too much the first time he said it. My parents eventually heard him calling me that and told him to stop. So he did; instead he started calling me "D.B." which I disliked just as much. It took them a while to catch on to that one, but they finally did and told him to stop. Here's where the genius lies: Kevin then started mentioning things with the initials "D.B." The four of us would be in the car, and he'd say, "So, the DENVER BRONCOS should be good this year. They have a new DEFENSIVE BACK. I like their DARK BLUE uniforms." They never caught on to this, so he kept going until he tired of it.
I have a feeling that that's exactly how I would've tormented a younger sibling, so I can't help but admire his efforts in retrospect. Now that we're older, I have further proof of our mental similarities. For example, he told me yesterday that he spent the previous night online looking up words with silent letters, hoping to also find one for each letter as I had tried earlier that day. How many others of you did that? Exactly.
But here lies the real proof. Kevin and I had an IM conversation a month ago that I saved, knowing that I might use it for something. Here's what happened: Kevin had posted something in the comments section saying that his favorite letter was E. I responded to that:
Me: Hey, I like your favorite letter. I have to think about what mine is. E is a little too common though for me. I like c's versatility, but it feels odd to me and I like even more. Can't explain that. Maybe it's because it's the 3rd letter. Probably. Weird that that makes a difference to me.
Kevin: E is probably the King of Letters.
Me: A might dispute that
Kevin: No. This is E-Mail, E-Z E, Etc. "A" has what? A-Frame, Grade-A? Weak if you ask me. Of course, Fonzie did say "AAAAAAA" and not "EEEEEE" kind of hard to go against the Fonz.
Me: A is the best grade of everything. Not just school, it's the top of the line. You go eat your Grade E meat and tell me what you think tomorrow
Kevin: A was just grandfathered into the top spot. A Number 1, Grade A, etc. He never had to earn it. E batteries are like 10X the size of an A and much more powerful. In cardboard boxes, E-Flute is the strongest test. Try moving your valuables around in an A-Flute Corrugate box and your shit'll break.
Me: A fought tooth and nail to get to the top. You think it was born there? Oh no, my friend. The lingual scholars of the world decided it should be at the top, and I support their decision. Sure, E batteries are bigger, but A, AA, and AAA are versatile and way more prominent in the average household. What the hell is an E battery anyway? I can picture a D in a flashlight.
Kevin: A is at the top, but not powerful. Kind of like a leadoff hitter or a public face of the alphabet. Clearly the heavy hitters are up next. Class A Baseball is the lowest of the leagues. When Canadians talk about "A?" it is because they are confused. Where did I put my keys A?
Me: When I accidentally call a fax number, it screams "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" at me. No king would do that. E! Network....the king? Right. Ooh, I have a good argument for you: Elvis went by E and he was The King. But the Fonz did say Aaaaaa, so they cancel each other out. Nick from Family Ties said "A E", so maybe he was onto something
Kevin: Then why on Wheel of Fortune do they choose RSTLN & "E". Where the hell is "A"? You are right about The King. Also Burger King is the KING and last time I checked, Burger has an "E" in it and no "A". Words like Title, President, Ruler, Best, Unprecedented, etc. have E and no A. If I said "The Best Ever", that has like 4 E's. Wow, that's imprEssivE. Crap, Fail, Sad, Ass, Barf, Frail, Awful, Ignorant are card carrying members if the A fan club. However Hannibal and B.A. Baracas (?) were in the A-Team.
Me: People choose RSTLN and E because they're common. A king, a ruler must stand out above the crowd. If it were solely based on how popular something is, then American Idol would be the best show on television, Isaac Asimov would be the greatest writer of all time, and Now That's What I Call Music would be better than the Beatles. Go ahead and join your E Team, but Face, Murdoch and I are going to be sitting pretty, chomping on cigars, saving people in need, and counting our money.
And scene. So there you have it folks. Death, taxes, and genetics. There's no use in fighting. Kevin, your days of being the "normal brother" are over, now that 8-10 other people have witnessed the power of your same-strangeness. Gentle readers, have a great day and I'll see you tomorrow for Follow Up Friday. Right now, I'm gonna go dye my hair DIRTY BLONDE and play with DUNG BEETLES inside a DIAPER BAG.
In any case, that's my lead-in to talking about genetics. A few times throughout my posts and comments, I've referred to the power of genetics. Usually it's been after one or both of my parents posted something strange, leading me to thank/blame them for my oddities. But it doesn't stop there. Even though I've been the "wacky brother" for a while, the purpose of this post is to prove that my brother Kevin is not only in the same tree, but comfortable residing on the same strange branch as me.
Back when we were kids, Kevin and I were typical brothers. We played a lot together, had tons of fun, made up silly games, etc. Naturally, we also fought from time to time. More accurately, he fought with me. I was an angel. He didn't physically hurt me on more than a few occasions, but it was the psychological warfare that helped him achieve his position of power in the siblinghood. Holding a basketball like he was going to throw it at me had the same (or greater) effect as actually throwing it at me, but without any bruises I could show our parents as evidence of his deeds. He was very smart about how he tormented me, and I have a story that perfectly illustrates that.
Kevin started calling me "Dork Boy," most likely because I protested too much the first time he said it. My parents eventually heard him calling me that and told him to stop. So he did; instead he started calling me "D.B." which I disliked just as much. It took them a while to catch on to that one, but they finally did and told him to stop. Here's where the genius lies: Kevin then started mentioning things with the initials "D.B." The four of us would be in the car, and he'd say, "So, the DENVER BRONCOS should be good this year. They have a new DEFENSIVE BACK. I like their DARK BLUE uniforms." They never caught on to this, so he kept going until he tired of it.
I have a feeling that that's exactly how I would've tormented a younger sibling, so I can't help but admire his efforts in retrospect. Now that we're older, I have further proof of our mental similarities. For example, he told me yesterday that he spent the previous night online looking up words with silent letters, hoping to also find one for each letter as I had tried earlier that day. How many others of you did that? Exactly.
But here lies the real proof. Kevin and I had an IM conversation a month ago that I saved, knowing that I might use it for something. Here's what happened: Kevin had posted something in the comments section saying that his favorite letter was E. I responded to that:
Me: Hey, I like your favorite letter. I have to think about what mine is. E is a little too common though for me. I like c's versatility, but it feels odd to me and I like even more. Can't explain that. Maybe it's because it's the 3rd letter. Probably. Weird that that makes a difference to me.
Kevin: E is probably the King of Letters.
Me: A might dispute that
Kevin: No. This is E-Mail, E-Z E, Etc. "A" has what? A-Frame, Grade-A? Weak if you ask me. Of course, Fonzie did say "AAAAAAA" and not "EEEEEE" kind of hard to go against the Fonz.
Me: A is the best grade of everything. Not just school, it's the top of the line. You go eat your Grade E meat and tell me what you think tomorrow
Kevin: A was just grandfathered into the top spot. A Number 1, Grade A, etc. He never had to earn it. E batteries are like 10X the size of an A and much more powerful. In cardboard boxes, E-Flute is the strongest test. Try moving your valuables around in an A-Flute Corrugate box and your shit'll break.
Me: A fought tooth and nail to get to the top. You think it was born there? Oh no, my friend. The lingual scholars of the world decided it should be at the top, and I support their decision. Sure, E batteries are bigger, but A, AA, and AAA are versatile and way more prominent in the average household. What the hell is an E battery anyway? I can picture a D in a flashlight.
Kevin: A is at the top, but not powerful. Kind of like a leadoff hitter or a public face of the alphabet. Clearly the heavy hitters are up next. Class A Baseball is the lowest of the leagues. When Canadians talk about "A?" it is because they are confused. Where did I put my keys A?
Me: When I accidentally call a fax number, it screams "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" at me. No king would do that. E! Network....the king? Right. Ooh, I have a good argument for you: Elvis went by E and he was The King. But the Fonz did say Aaaaaa, so they cancel each other out. Nick from Family Ties said "A E", so maybe he was onto something
Kevin: Then why on Wheel of Fortune do they choose RSTLN & "E". Where the hell is "A"? You are right about The King. Also Burger King is the KING and last time I checked, Burger has an "E" in it and no "A". Words like Title, President, Ruler, Best, Unprecedented, etc. have E and no A. If I said "The Best Ever", that has like 4 E's. Wow, that's imprEssivE. Crap, Fail, Sad, Ass, Barf, Frail, Awful, Ignorant are card carrying members if the A fan club. However Hannibal and B.A. Baracas (?) were in the A-Team.
Me: People choose RSTLN and E because they're common. A king, a ruler must stand out above the crowd. If it were solely based on how popular something is, then American Idol would be the best show on television, Isaac Asimov would be the greatest writer of all time, and Now That's What I Call Music would be better than the Beatles. Go ahead and join your E Team, but Face, Murdoch and I are going to be sitting pretty, chomping on cigars, saving people in need, and counting our money.
And scene. So there you have it folks. Death, taxes, and genetics. There's no use in fighting. Kevin, your days of being the "normal brother" are over, now that 8-10 other people have witnessed the power of your same-strangeness. Gentle readers, have a great day and I'll see you tomorrow for Follow Up Friday. Right now, I'm gonna go dye my hair DIRTY BLONDE and play with DUNG BEETLES inside a DIAPER BAG.
1 comment:
Okay...guilty as charged. I feel so violated, so exposed, so vulnerable. Personally speaking, I could not have DONE BETTER on this post myself. I am hoping that I did not DETECT BITTERNESS in you recollecting your early days with your DOMINEERING BROTHER here on your DAILY BLOG.
In all seriousness, sorry for being a tough big brother at times growing up. We had a million more good times than bad and I have always and will always been proud to be on your branch.
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