A good Tuesday morning to all of you. I hope it is treating you well. When I was growing up, my mom would try to make Tuesday a more exciting day of the week, by declaring “It’s already Tuesday!” at the breakfast table, like it being Tuesday was some kind of accomplishment, but I was never fooled. Tuesday just means you’re embedded in the school/work week with no real end in sight.
On that happy note, I would like to talk about Amber today. I do not know Amber very well, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot to say about her. Us O-staffers heard a lot about Amber long before we ever met her and she became sort of a mythical creature in our heads. Even though I have since met her on several occasions, she still sort of exists more in my imagination than in my memory.
When I first learned about Amber’s existence I thought she was dude. I will elaborate. Orientation folk are taught to use “inclusive language,” so as not to alienate people whose lifestyles and/or backgrounds might be different from ours. For instance, if you did not know the sexuality of the person with whom you were speaking, you were supposed to use the word “partner” instead of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”
The thinking behind this was, if you ask a gay man “do you have a girlfriend?” he might be uncomfortable saying, “no, I’m gay,” because you have already made the assumption that he’s straight. “Do you have a partner?” implies no heterosexist assumption and therefore can make a homosexual person feel more comfortable talking about his/her relationship. O-staffers were instructed to use inclusive language not only when questioning other people, but in reference to ourselves. I had trouble with this, not because of the implied ambiguity about my sexual orientation, but because of the implied level of commitment. I just couldn’t refer to the guy I had been seeing for two months as my “partner.” Luckily, it didn’t last much longer than two months, so then I got to refer to him as “that bastard.”
The first time I heard Peter say something about his partner, I was not aware of inclusive language and just assumed he was gay. Then when he mentioned his partner was named Amber, I thought “wow, harsh name to give a dude, no wonder he’s gay.” Finally, he referred to Amber as “she” and I understood what was going on. Both Amber and our Director’s fiancé, Scott, were the subjects of great speculation on the part of many O-staffers. What could the people our bosses were dating be like? What were our bosses like in their regular lives? It was all very fascinating.
When I finally met Amber and Scott at an Orientation function, I found them both to be nice and lovely, if far less intrigued by me than I was by them. One day, I ran into Amber at the Goleta Borders and totally felt like I had spotted a celebrity. I stalked her around the store for awhile to make sure it was her and tried to get up the nerve to talk to her, like a teenage boy asking a girl to prom.
“Hi, Amber. You probably don’t know who I am, but I’m one of the Orientation staff members.”
“Hi, Stacy. I remember you.” Oh my god she knows my name!
It was then I realized I had no idea what to say to her and when I really began to feel like a teenage boy. “So….looking for books, huh?”
“Yes, Peter and I are going to Canada this month, so I’m grabbing some travel books about the areas we’re visiting.”
“Wow that’s great! Canada’s great!”
“Oh, have you been?”
“No.”
It was incredibly awkward and I felt so stupid and kicked myself for not having anything interesting to say. I was sure Amber was going to go home and ask Peter why he had hired such an idiot. Now I realize she probably forgot about the interaction right after it happened.
Once Amber became a real person that I knew, there couldn’t be an imaginary Amber anymore. However, a few months after I met her, I met “Fake Amber.” Fake Amber was this woman who worked in Cheadle Hall (the home of the Orientation office and many other student services/administrative offices), who from a distance looked a good deal like Amber, at least to someone who didn’t know her very well. I was walking back to the Orientation office from the Coral Tree Café with my favorite treat, Canadian cheese soup, when I spotted Fake Amber for the first time. I waved and smiled and she stared at me blankly. “Shit, she doesn’t remember me and now I look even dorkier than before.” As I got closer, I realized that this woman was not Amber at all and felt stupid for a different reason.
I told Peter about “Fake Amber” but he did not know who I was referring to, because he was of course very familiar with the Amber’s appearance and would not mistake anyone else for her. When I was finally able to point her out to Peter, he said that her name was Laurel, and he couldn’t really see how I could mistake her for Amber, but was nonetheless happy to know who Fake Amber was. After I had abandoned UCSB for a quarter in Washington, DC, Peter would still see Laurel around and was occasionally tempted to tell her about her similarities to his then-fiancée, but realized that by doing so he might seem like he was hitting on her.
“You know who you look like? The woman I’m going to marry.”
I agreed that that would seem pretty cheesy, but came up with a contingency plan (like a good O-staffer should) just in case she responded to his comments in a negative way. I envisioned it a little something like this.
“You look like a lot like my fiancée.”
“Go away weirdo.”
“On second thought, your hair is greasier, your eyes don’t really sparkle, and you’re not as radiant.”
I don’t think Peter ever informed Laurel of her Fake Amber status, which was probably for the best. From what we could tell, she seemed like a perfectly nice woman who probably didn’t deserve that kind of talk. And she may have already been sensitive about her greasy hair.
For those of you who hate my blogging and can’t wait for Peter to return next week, I say to you: it’s already Tuesday.
On that happy note, I would like to talk about Amber today. I do not know Amber very well, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot to say about her. Us O-staffers heard a lot about Amber long before we ever met her and she became sort of a mythical creature in our heads. Even though I have since met her on several occasions, she still sort of exists more in my imagination than in my memory.
When I first learned about Amber’s existence I thought she was dude. I will elaborate. Orientation folk are taught to use “inclusive language,” so as not to alienate people whose lifestyles and/or backgrounds might be different from ours. For instance, if you did not know the sexuality of the person with whom you were speaking, you were supposed to use the word “partner” instead of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”
The thinking behind this was, if you ask a gay man “do you have a girlfriend?” he might be uncomfortable saying, “no, I’m gay,” because you have already made the assumption that he’s straight. “Do you have a partner?” implies no heterosexist assumption and therefore can make a homosexual person feel more comfortable talking about his/her relationship. O-staffers were instructed to use inclusive language not only when questioning other people, but in reference to ourselves. I had trouble with this, not because of the implied ambiguity about my sexual orientation, but because of the implied level of commitment. I just couldn’t refer to the guy I had been seeing for two months as my “partner.” Luckily, it didn’t last much longer than two months, so then I got to refer to him as “that bastard.”
The first time I heard Peter say something about his partner, I was not aware of inclusive language and just assumed he was gay. Then when he mentioned his partner was named Amber, I thought “wow, harsh name to give a dude, no wonder he’s gay.” Finally, he referred to Amber as “she” and I understood what was going on. Both Amber and our Director’s fiancé, Scott, were the subjects of great speculation on the part of many O-staffers. What could the people our bosses were dating be like? What were our bosses like in their regular lives? It was all very fascinating.
When I finally met Amber and Scott at an Orientation function, I found them both to be nice and lovely, if far less intrigued by me than I was by them. One day, I ran into Amber at the Goleta Borders and totally felt like I had spotted a celebrity. I stalked her around the store for awhile to make sure it was her and tried to get up the nerve to talk to her, like a teenage boy asking a girl to prom.
“Hi, Amber. You probably don’t know who I am, but I’m one of the Orientation staff members.”
“Hi, Stacy. I remember you.” Oh my god she knows my name!
It was then I realized I had no idea what to say to her and when I really began to feel like a teenage boy. “So….looking for books, huh?”
“Yes, Peter and I are going to Canada this month, so I’m grabbing some travel books about the areas we’re visiting.”
“Wow that’s great! Canada’s great!”
“Oh, have you been?”
“No.”
It was incredibly awkward and I felt so stupid and kicked myself for not having anything interesting to say. I was sure Amber was going to go home and ask Peter why he had hired such an idiot. Now I realize she probably forgot about the interaction right after it happened.
Once Amber became a real person that I knew, there couldn’t be an imaginary Amber anymore. However, a few months after I met her, I met “Fake Amber.” Fake Amber was this woman who worked in Cheadle Hall (the home of the Orientation office and many other student services/administrative offices), who from a distance looked a good deal like Amber, at least to someone who didn’t know her very well. I was walking back to the Orientation office from the Coral Tree Café with my favorite treat, Canadian cheese soup, when I spotted Fake Amber for the first time. I waved and smiled and she stared at me blankly. “Shit, she doesn’t remember me and now I look even dorkier than before.” As I got closer, I realized that this woman was not Amber at all and felt stupid for a different reason.
I told Peter about “Fake Amber” but he did not know who I was referring to, because he was of course very familiar with the Amber’s appearance and would not mistake anyone else for her. When I was finally able to point her out to Peter, he said that her name was Laurel, and he couldn’t really see how I could mistake her for Amber, but was nonetheless happy to know who Fake Amber was. After I had abandoned UCSB for a quarter in Washington, DC, Peter would still see Laurel around and was occasionally tempted to tell her about her similarities to his then-fiancée, but realized that by doing so he might seem like he was hitting on her.
“You know who you look like? The woman I’m going to marry.”
I agreed that that would seem pretty cheesy, but came up with a contingency plan (like a good O-staffer should) just in case she responded to his comments in a negative way. I envisioned it a little something like this.
“You look like a lot like my fiancée.”
“Go away weirdo.”
“On second thought, your hair is greasier, your eyes don’t really sparkle, and you’re not as radiant.”
I don’t think Peter ever informed Laurel of her Fake Amber status, which was probably for the best. From what we could tell, she seemed like a perfectly nice woman who probably didn’t deserve that kind of talk. And she may have already been sensitive about her greasy hair.
For those of you who hate my blogging and can’t wait for Peter to return next week, I say to you: it’s already Tuesday.
3 comments:
I understand - the fist time I met Amber was at a Triple A baseball game in Sacramento. They were with another couple and though we all sat together, I could think of nothing to say.
I'd heard all about her work and internship and had a great deal of respect for her. But to actually meet her, it was exactly as you described. She was so nice and my 3 year old daughter really warmed up to her. (That's my barometer - if kids don't like you, there's usually a good reason.)
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who felt that way!
-Sacky Christi
Stacy and Christi, I had the exact same feelings about Amber as you both did. I was excited about meeting her for the first time, but a little bit nervous. I didn't know much about her before I met her. The first time I met her, she didn't react to me at all.
She didn't make eye contact, didn't smile and seemed to be bored with me because she was always yawning and looking tired. As the months went on, our relationship began to develop and after I had known her about 3 months, she began to smile at me which made me feel very privileged.
However, she must have been shy, because she didn't speak to me. She then began to make some foreign sounding noises and I thought that she was speaking something besides English. Maybe she was from a different country and that is why it took her so long to speak to me?? Finally, after knowing Amber for about 10 months she began to smile, to talk (in English - however only one work at a time). She was delightful and we became very close. To this day, we are still very close (and she hasn't stopped talking since!))
Amber's Mom, Melodie
Melodie, that was hilarious! My anxiousness regarding meeting Amber had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me being 19 and still afraid of "grown ups." I was sure that if Amber didn't like me, she would tell Peter and he'd fire me on the spot, so I really wanted her to think I was cool. If I didn't seal the deal at the O-staff party, I'm sure our run-in at Borders did the trick.
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