Seen but not heard

Good morning, and happy Tuesday to everyone. I was just thinking about the differently spelled incarnations of the sound too in our language, even though that has nothing to do with what I'm planning on writing about. It started with me almost making some horribly forced joke about the other numbers being jealous of 2 because he has his own day (2's Day, naturally). Good thing I stopped myself before writing that, eh?

Anyway, I'm going to follow my mind's lead on this one and see if it turns into an entire post. So I was thinking about to, too, two, and tutu, and something in particular caught my mind's eye: the silent W in "two." I asked myself, "Self, is that a strange letter to be found silently lurking in a word? It seems to have such a forceful presence that it's odd to have it blend in so that it's completely unnoticed to the ear." I agreed with myself at first, but then I immediately realized that "sword" has a silent W too. If I thought of another one so quickly, maybe it's not that rare after all.

Let's play a game, shall we? (Please note that the W in "we" is pronounced.) I'm going to go through the alphabet and see how many letters are used silently in words. I shalln't consult a dictionary or any website that probably already lists this somewhere in cyberspace. Instead, I'll be thinking off the top of my head. I'm sure I'll miss some, and I'd love for you to help me out, gentle readers. My goal is to find at least one for every letter possible. I'll try to avoid words in other languages unless they've been fully adopted into English as well. (I have one of those in mind already, so you'll see what I mean.)

Shall we being with A, mes amis? I already have a song called "A" by Barenaked Ladies in my head, and I think it's going to be there for a while. Let's see. Ya know, I just wrote the word "head" and I think that counts as a silent A. Without it there, it would be pronounced exactly the same. This is gonna be easy!

B time, yo. Right off the bat, I have three that come to mind. Dumb, subtle, and jamb. Great, now I have "Burnt Jamb" by Weezer in my head. My mental IPod is on one hell of a shuffle.

From C to shining C. I'm going to say that a word like "science" fits this category (the first C in that word, of course). If you don't like that one, then any word ending in "ck" like back might appease you. Man, you're tough. If I wanted to, I could have "She Blinded Me with Science" and/or "Back in the Saddle Again" in my head, but I don't want to.

Let's hop aboard the D train and see what we find. Will you give me credit for bundt? I think that might be slightly pronounced. Hmmm. Djibouti? What do you think about words ending in "dge" like bridge or sludge? The D's still in there, isn't it? Damn, I think I may have my first open frame.

E is an easy one, I believe. "Have" is an example of a word whose vowel sound isn't changed by the E at the end. I wouldn't say "gave" because "gav" would be pronounced differently. Yeah, I'm going with "have." I have to.

F is tricky. On one hand, I could say that the second F in something like puff is effectively silent, but I feel like that's cheating. Aside from that and ones like it, I'm at a loss. Remember, I could cheat but I won't. I must keep the integrity of UOPTA intact. Melissa, BKS, and other language freaks like me - help a brother out.

Gee, we're on G already. Piece o' cake. Words like reign and feign popped out the second I started thinking of this letter. And gnarly. Can't forget gnarly. Whew, I was getting worried for a minute.

H, the letter with my least favorite pronunciation. I know that I personally don't pronounce the H in what, where, or when, or which, but I could if I wanted to. (There's actually a very funny "Family Guy" scene about that, by the way.) If you won't give me those as silent H words, I guess I'll go with rhyme instead. No one pronounces it in that word, right? Ok, here's one for sure: chords. Booyah Johnson!

I. Ay yay yay. This is a tough one. I keep trying to think of words like waiter, since it should be pronounced the same without the I but it's not. Silly English. I suppose the second I in the Nintendo Wii is unnecessary but not exactly silent. I think I'm currently stumped on this one.

J isn't any easier right off the bat. It makes a different sound in fjord but certainly isn't silent. Crap, I think I'm on a losing streak here.

Thank you, K. Just in time. This one's easy, with words like knight, knack, etc. Whew.

La la la la L-time. I know it's a strange word, but I think soldering should count for this one. After all, a "sodering gun" could be pronounced the same way, right? I feel like I'm forgetting a whole bunch of silent L words - help me out here. What about would and could? My tongue does no L action with those words at all.

M: Mnemonic. Bam!

N: Column, solemn, and damn. Oh my!

O: I don't know. The vowels are awfully tough. Even in "tough" there, I can't say that the gh would still be an F sound without the O in there because the language is so odd with those things. I'm stuck on O too I guess.

Ah yes, P. I've given this one thought before, because I like telling people, "It's P as in Pterodactyl." That gets some confused looks alright.

Q: I think the Q could technically be silent in a word like acquaintance. In fact, I'm saying it is. You wanna fight about it?

A pirate's favorite letter: R. According to my Bostonian Grandmother, Peter has a silent R at the end. I can't think of a real one right now. I'm growing weary and wondering why I started this whole thing.

S: aisle, corps (as in the Peace variety), and probably others. I'm good here.

T: I don't pronounce the T in often, but since some of you might, may I suggest rapport instead. Nailed it.

U: Another vowel. Shit. Oh, how about shoulder? I think that actually works. Yay for me.

V: I don't think I'm getting one here. Nope. Not happening.

W: Who and whole came to mind quickly here, and I'm pleased by that. Oh yeah, and two and sword, who started this whole thing.

X: Here is the one I used the disclaimer for at the beginning. I know that faux is a French word, but it's fully integrated into English as well. If it's not real fur or real pearls, we simply don't say "fake." Go ahead and argue, but I'm sticking with that one.

Y: Because we like you. I could argue that when Y is a vowel in the middle of words, it's often unnecessary. Tryst for example would sound the same as "trst" I think. However, I don't buy my own argument there and I'm going to pass on this one until I can find a better example.

Z: No way. I mean, there's a basketball player named Joel Przyzbilla (pronounced Priz-billa), so one of those Zs has to be silent. Aside from that though, I can't think of anything that should count. I'm sure there are some Polish words that have an S and a Z together in which only one is pronounced, but that's not enough. I hate going out on a tough one, but maybe that's why Z got pushed to the end to begin with. Trouble-making Z.

Ok, that's it. I have to stop thinking. If more come to mind for letters that previously stumped me, I'll post something in the comments section (probably starting with "Crap"). Please weigh in on this, whether it's helping complete the list, things that surprised you, or just to say that I'm strange for devoting this much brainpower to something like this.

Have a great day. I need a nap.