FUF #37

Good morning, gentle readers. Hey, do you hear that? People are talking; talking 'bout people. I hear them whisper. You won't believe it. Let's give 'em something to talk about. How about FUF, FUF, FUF? Yes, the time has come yet again for another Follow Up Friday. These keep on chugging along like clockwork. Ya know, if clocks chugged, that is. As is customary at UOPTA, I am preparing myself to ramble for the next several hundred words. Some will be connected to previous posts, others will most certainly not be related to anything. And then the final piece (the coup de grace if you will) is the world famous Car Watch segment.

As I mentioned yesterday, I was a victim of jury duty for two days this week. While the judge was having people say their names, occupations, marital status, etc., two people really stood out. First, a guy listed his occupation as "Aspiring actor and part-time chiropractor." That got a lot of nervous laughter, and the judge asked him to clarify if he was indeed licensed to be a chiropractor. He was, and that made it far less interesting.

Second, a woman said that she had11 children. That got some oohs and ahhs, followed by the inevitable question of how many grandchildren. "26," she said, followed by, "We're good breeders." That one nearly brought the (court)house down. Needless to say, I scribbled that down on my notepad, thereby making it the most productive thing I did during those two days.

A while back, loyal reader Wendy posted a comment that something I wrote made her think of the song "Wordplay" by Jason Mraz. Recently our friend Melissa introduced us to that song, and so now I know what she was talking about. I like it; it's catchy, and it definitely plays around with words in a way that makes me smile. For example, when he refers to himself as "Mr. A to Z," it's funny and clever since his last name is M-r-a-z. I appreciate those things, and I appreciate Wendy for appreciating them as well.

Remember the hit song in the 80s called "Walking on Sunshine?" Well, I thought of that recently and then cringed because I recalled that it was sung by Katrina and the Waves. That's a bad coincidence.

Crap, this is going to be a long post. Can't stop now though. Two days ago, I wrote about stories with celebrities' names as forced punchlines. I came up with three more for your intended enjoyment:

1. A man walked into Home Depot and marched over to the do-it-yourself section. After pacing for a while, an apron-wearing employee asked if he needed help. "Yes, I'd like to build a wall out of big stones in my backyard, but I want to be able to return the pieces I don't use." "Of course, sir," said the employee, "That's the norm in rock- well, really any purchase from Home Depot."

2. A long-haired hippie chick was visiting her accountant in a large office building. Upon seeing the revolving doors, she immediately opted for that entrance over the standard push-pull type. Halfway through, she felt excruciating pain on top of her head. She looked up and saw her locks wrapped around the center mechanism. "Help!" she screamed, "My hair is in four doors at once!"

3. The CEO of Cinnabon had an idea: online purchases and deliveries. To drum up business, she lowered the price of those bought via internet and the orders started flying in. One day, a week or two after the launch, she was visiting a local Cinnabon store. A customer came in and ordered one. When told the price, he got visibly angry. "Wait a second here, you're telling me that it would cost less if I ordered it from the web browser on my phone and had it delivered to my car in the parking lot? That's bullshit! I want the Cinnabon e-rate!"

Wow, look at that, bringing it back to the FUF intro. I even amazed myself with that loop-closing ability. Ok, now it's time to throw in a couple of Car Watch items and call it a week.

My homey Rockabye sent me a text message that said the following: "License plate that doesn't work: REALT8R." I beg to differ. If someone commonly mistook that person for a fake potato, then the plate would be entirely sensible and functional. Anything other than that though and they're just a fucking moron. No offense, of course.

Rockabye saw a license plate frame that read, "Always use love all ways." I disagree, nay, I strenuously object to that command. There are several ways of loving that are not appropriate in certain situations. I just started to write out a few examples, but even I started to blush, so you can come up with them on your own.

While riding with Rockabye to our bowling league, we saw a plate that read, "N2 CHESS." I'm guessing that was only there because "N2 DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS" didn't fit. It's good to be an enthusiast of something, I suppose, no matter what level of nerdiness.

I saw a plate that read "2 KDS (Heart) ME." I sure hope she only has two kids, because otherwise that would be incredibly sad.

Another license plate read "I (Heart) THE DJ." Whew, good thing there's only one dj so we know who she was talking about. That would've been really confusing otherwise.

Ok, I'm stopping here for now. Have a wonderful weekend, my friends. Please remember that it's 100% legal to write to ptklein@gmail.com with anything at all about anything at all. See you back here on Monday, and take care.