We're number fun!

It comes as no surprise to many of you that I enjoy wordplay. Puns (especially bad ones), crossword puzzles, and the intricacies of language are fun things to me, regardless of how dorky that may seem. It's a big reason I was an English major in college, and an even bigger reason why I took so many creative writing courses. I truly enjoyed finding the exact right words to convey my thoughts while also fitting perfectly into rhyme schemes and meters. I'm not very spatial, so these were my kinds of puzzles.

At some point in my wordplay history, I brought numbers into the fold. I'm not sure when it started, but I began using a term that will soon be sweeping the nation (yes, like "baby fish mouth"): 5ever. Before I go any further, please don't confuse this with the "using numbers as letters" phenomenon I wrote about in a previous post. "5ever" is not pronounced "sever" or even "fever," but rather "five-ever." Here's an example: "My parents and Greg's parents were friends before we were born, so I've known him for, like, 5ever." Ya dig? "When the hell are we going to get on Splash Mountain? We've been in this line for, like, 5ever!" I've found that the "like" is almost a necessity when spoken, because it clues the listener in to the fact that something cool and different is about to happen. At least in my mind.

Once 5ever became more natural amongst my friends, there were rumblings of futher adjustments to the word. For example, if 5ever wasn't conveying the "more than 4ever" feel enough, some wanted to jump to 6ever. I wholeheartedly disagree, and tried my best to shoot that down as vehemently as possible. Also, my friend Kareem tried using 3ever, which didn't make any sense to me. I said, "I understand that that's less than 4ever, but is it ten years or two weeks?" His response: "It depends." Nope, doesn't work for me. "I've only known this guy for, like, 3ever" just makes no sense to me. I hope you agree, gentle readers.

But it doesn't stop there. Will Paris Hilton do something stupid and slutty in 07? I'd say that's a 5gone conclusion. One-liners weren't just Henny Youngman's forté, hell, they were his 5té.

Before we get carried away, I want to go on record and say that this technique shouldn't be used for everything. Part of what makes it effective is its infrequency in speech, so let's not go crazy. I don't want to hear people saying something is "2derful," "3bular," or "11-der." I think those could work, but only in very specific situations. If you see a heavy-set ballerina, I think it's ok to say she's wearing a "three-three." Otherwise, maybe we should stick to 5ever.

I remember years ago seeing a preview for a movie (Barbershop maybe) in which one character referred to his friend's receding hairline by saying, "You don't have a forehead, you've got a five-head." So the movement's out there, I'm just trying to focus it on some key words and get it in some everyday use. I'd love to hear other suggested uses, so post away. But be careful with this new tool, folks. With great power comes great responsibility, or something like that.