Words words words

Before I launch into a tirade or two, I inadvertently made up a bad pun while trying to think of a title for today's post: If I put my shirt down on something in an attempt to get the wrinkles out but find that it actually makes it more wrinkled, can I call it an irony board? I met get punched in the face, but yes, I suppose I could call it that.

Anyway, the picture of Steelers' coach Bill Cowher isn't here because some people think he looks like my dad, but because I needed a picture showing consternation and he came to mind. It was way easier to find a picture of him making that face than I thought it would be. In fact, it would be hard to find one of him not making a face like that. Originally, I only had one word thing that I was going to complain about, but now I have two. Depending on when actual work has to start, you might get both today. I can almost feel your excitement from here.

First, there is a phenomenon that I let slide once or twice, but now I'm fed up with. I realize someone is trying to be clever, but clever only counts when it works. I'm talking about people using numbers for letters. I first recall seeing this with the movie Seven, starring Red from Shawshank and Mr. Jolie. Here's what they did:

I remember seeing that and thinking, "Okayyyy, I see what they're trying to do there, but I don't like it." Were there enough contextual clues that I knew what word it was? Sure, but even if that makes it successful, I'm not obligated to like it. Because the 7 doesn't look like a fucking v, ok?

So time went by, and I was pleased to see that the trend hadn't continued. And then a new show was being promoted:

Sure, the number 3 looks like an E...upside down on a calculator. Again, I see what they're trying (especially since the name of the show is Numbers after all), but I think it looks stupid. They could turn it around at least so it looks like the letter it's a placeholder for. That's what The Nine on ABC did, and I'm much happier with their execution:

See? It just looks like a lower-case e if you're not paying attention to get the wordplay. Don't shove a 7 in my face and tell me that I have to use it as a v.

This all came up because I saw a new Adidas ad that asked me if I "believe in 5ive." I'm assuming if you've read this far, you'll probably know how I felt about that new campaign. The thing is, a 5 actually does resemble a letter - AN S! It looks nothing like an F. Let's try something: Can you spot the 5 in the sequence below?

FFFFFFFFF5FFFFFFFFFF

Did you find it? Nicely done, gentle reader. I know the fate of the world doesn't rest on such trivial matters as this, but it still pisses me off. What's next for these wrong-character characters? A 6 looks like a G, 1s could easily be Ls, and 8s have been spelling BOOBLESS on calculators for decades. Those are too accurate though - I'm waiting for that brave marketer to say, "Hey guys, we could use a 2 in the title of our new show, Tomorrow." "Oh," they'll say, "like 2morrow?" "No," he'll reply with an air of damn-I'm-awesome-ness, "we'll use it as the M!"

I hate that guy.

I can't write more now; I'm too fixated on wanting to beat up that TO2ORROW guy. I hate that guy.