Good morning, everyone, and Happy Presidents' Day. Many of you might not have work today, but I only get the more major holidays off. So while you're sitting around today, laughing with friends and debating whether Harding or Polk left a more indelible mark on American history, I'll be in my office marveling at how empty the parking lot is. You guys actually talk about presidents on Presidents' Day too, right? Oh, nevermind then.
I used to know a song with all of the presidents in order, and I wish I still had it committed to memory. I have snippets still memorized, like "Pierce, Buchanan, Lincoln," but not nearly enough to help me trivia-wise. I've often thought that it would be a good idea for a downtown section of a larger city to name the streets on a grid in the same order as the presidents. That way, people would grow up knowing that Truman was right before Eisenhower. Or maybe the states in alphabetical order or by year they became a part of the Union. Yes, I know that teaching history via street names is nerdy, but it's not like I'm asking for the elements on the periodic table. I'm trying to help people learn a little more about the country without them having to try - is that so bad?
Enough of that for now. I mentioned one brief part of my IM discussion with my buddy Kevin up in Sacramento on Friday, but there was quite a bit more to it. When I worked with him for that year in Sac-town, we talked a lot every day, and about 90% of it had to do with sports. In fact, the first non-work thing I ever said to him was about a trade I saw that the Oakland A's made because I had just seen him with some A's string thing around his neck. (As a side note, the locals there call the older downtown part of the city "Old Sac," and I don't think I'll ever be mature enough to refrain from giggling at that.)
So I suppose it was just a matter of time before I got a message from him saying, "When do we get a blog on the triangle offense? Come on. I've read about your dreams damnit - when do I get some basketball?" I tried explaining to him that I don't think that stuff would entertain most of the people I know who read this. Also, there are hundreds of sports blogs out there all rehashing the same topics day after day, but I'm the only one I know of that writes about naming a daughter Diarrhea (or Diaria).
In about 50 posts, I have mentioned college football, betting on sports, former Laker (and UCSB alum) Brian Shaw, and as I told Kevin, "bowling - don't forget bowling!" He replied, "I already forgot bowling. Bowling = drinking - therefore - not a sport." Now we were onto something. He continued: "Pastime - yes - sport - no." (And I thought I was hyphen-crazy.) I asked about softball, since we played that together on a company team. "Softball is a semi sport," he said, "you can drink and play." I didn't buy his stance at all, but I let it slide for a minute so I could bring out the big guns: "Golf officially destroys your argument though, right?" I asked. He wasn't completely swayed, and answered, "Golf is a pass-sport - kind of a sport, drinking helps you those days. Kind of a pastime - since 80-year-old people play it."
Now I felt he was just dead wrong, but since he wasn't budging on golf, I was going to change his mind on bowling. I wrote, "I understand darts not being a sport, and poker is a game and not a sport, but I think bowling counts just as much as race car driving. It's physical, there's a ball involved, a score - sounds like a sport to me. John Kruk was a baseball player, and Oliver Miller and Stanley Roberts played basketball. John Daly's a golfer - why are fat bowlers any different? They don't drink during competitions."
His response? "I can't get behind it." That's it, unswayable. It got me thinking about my criteria for what makes something a sport though. We can't just go by what ESPN airs, because then we'd not only have to call darts and poker sports, but spelling bees too. I can't just say a ball has to be involved, because that would exclude swimming but include Chinese Checkers. I don't think that you can slap the word "competitive" before any game and make it a sport. Scrabble is a game, and even if it's televised, in tournament format, and with prize money, it's not a sport.
So here is my short, unofficial list of what makes a sport a sport (this is a living document and I may add or subtract from it based on compelling arguments or moments of clarity):
1. The activity has a physical component to it
2. There are winners and losers
3. No one could play for the first time and be good enough to be a professional
Those are the basic points, but I'm far from satisfied with it. With just those three as criteria, "Dancing with the Stars" would be considered a sport. Having a ball involved helps but isn't required, and I feel the same way about jerseys/uniforms. What else is necessary to make something a sport, gentle readers?
Ok, time for a mountain of real work. Have a good Monday everyone, whether you're working or not; I'm selfless like that. And remember, Zachary Taylor was totally cooler than Martin Van Buren - don't let the sideburns fool ya.
I used to know a song with all of the presidents in order, and I wish I still had it committed to memory. I have snippets still memorized, like "Pierce, Buchanan, Lincoln," but not nearly enough to help me trivia-wise. I've often thought that it would be a good idea for a downtown section of a larger city to name the streets on a grid in the same order as the presidents. That way, people would grow up knowing that Truman was right before Eisenhower. Or maybe the states in alphabetical order or by year they became a part of the Union. Yes, I know that teaching history via street names is nerdy, but it's not like I'm asking for the elements on the periodic table. I'm trying to help people learn a little more about the country without them having to try - is that so bad?
Enough of that for now. I mentioned one brief part of my IM discussion with my buddy Kevin up in Sacramento on Friday, but there was quite a bit more to it. When I worked with him for that year in Sac-town, we talked a lot every day, and about 90% of it had to do with sports. In fact, the first non-work thing I ever said to him was about a trade I saw that the Oakland A's made because I had just seen him with some A's string thing around his neck. (As a side note, the locals there call the older downtown part of the city "Old Sac," and I don't think I'll ever be mature enough to refrain from giggling at that.)
So I suppose it was just a matter of time before I got a message from him saying, "When do we get a blog on the triangle offense? Come on. I've read about your dreams damnit - when do I get some basketball?" I tried explaining to him that I don't think that stuff would entertain most of the people I know who read this. Also, there are hundreds of sports blogs out there all rehashing the same topics day after day, but I'm the only one I know of that writes about naming a daughter Diarrhea (or Diaria).
In about 50 posts, I have mentioned college football, betting on sports, former Laker (and UCSB alum) Brian Shaw, and as I told Kevin, "bowling - don't forget bowling!" He replied, "I already forgot bowling. Bowling = drinking - therefore - not a sport." Now we were onto something. He continued: "Pastime - yes - sport - no." (And I thought I was hyphen-crazy.) I asked about softball, since we played that together on a company team. "Softball is a semi sport," he said, "you can drink and play." I didn't buy his stance at all, but I let it slide for a minute so I could bring out the big guns: "Golf officially destroys your argument though, right?" I asked. He wasn't completely swayed, and answered, "Golf is a pass-sport - kind of a sport, drinking helps you those days. Kind of a pastime - since 80-year-old people play it."
Now I felt he was just dead wrong, but since he wasn't budging on golf, I was going to change his mind on bowling. I wrote, "I understand darts not being a sport, and poker is a game and not a sport, but I think bowling counts just as much as race car driving. It's physical, there's a ball involved, a score - sounds like a sport to me. John Kruk was a baseball player, and Oliver Miller and Stanley Roberts played basketball. John Daly's a golfer - why are fat bowlers any different? They don't drink during competitions."
His response? "I can't get behind it." That's it, unswayable. It got me thinking about my criteria for what makes something a sport though. We can't just go by what ESPN airs, because then we'd not only have to call darts and poker sports, but spelling bees too. I can't just say a ball has to be involved, because that would exclude swimming but include Chinese Checkers. I don't think that you can slap the word "competitive" before any game and make it a sport. Scrabble is a game, and even if it's televised, in tournament format, and with prize money, it's not a sport.
So here is my short, unofficial list of what makes a sport a sport (this is a living document and I may add or subtract from it based on compelling arguments or moments of clarity):
1. The activity has a physical component to it
2. There are winners and losers
3. No one could play for the first time and be good enough to be a professional
Those are the basic points, but I'm far from satisfied with it. With just those three as criteria, "Dancing with the Stars" would be considered a sport. Having a ball involved helps but isn't required, and I feel the same way about jerseys/uniforms. What else is necessary to make something a sport, gentle readers?
Ok, time for a mountain of real work. Have a good Monday everyone, whether you're working or not; I'm selfless like that. And remember, Zachary Taylor was totally cooler than Martin Van Buren - don't let the sideburns fool ya.
6 comments:
See, I've had this discussion, after much drinking, so the discussion was a passtime? Whatever. The criteria we all agreed on was that its a sport if you win because you did, not because of some subjective analysis. So that ruled out Gymnastics, Figure Skating, and Basketball. Basketball because the refs control the game, not the players. Feel free to agree that one. (Being married to Kev does have its side effects.)
I wholeheartedly reject that theory, because that would include pick-up basketball a sport but exclude the NBA. What about umpires in baseball? They call the balls and strikes, so does cancel baseball out too? What about line judges in tennis or volleyball? Penalty-calling refs in hockey or soccer? Sorry, Christi, subjective analysis is a part of many activities that are undeniably sports in my book.
Okay - the miriam webster definition:
1 a : to amuse oneself : FROLIC (lambs sporting in the meadow) b : to engage in a sport
2 a : to mock or ridicule something b : to speak or act in jest : TRIFLE
3 [2sport] : to deviate or vary abruptly from type (as by bud variation) : MUTATE
transitive verb
1 : to display or wear usually ostentatiously : BOAST (sporting expensive new shoes)
2 [2sport] : to put forth as a sport or bud variation
Amusing yourself is a sport...that includes WAY too many things.
One more thing - you gave us a list of 3 things to define if something is a sport - and I think you need to add one more thing.
4. Judging. If there are people judging an event and that determines the outcome - it's not a sport. That's right. Figure skating? Not a sport. Anything where the wussy French judge has a say in the outcome - is NOT a sport. Sorry. That's the way it is.
Kevin
I feel like a total geek.
I took a look at your image and thought:
"No, no. Not presidential seal, presidential SEA LION!"
Now I will go and feel deep shame.
To the tune of "Yankee Doodle"
Washington, Adams, Jeff-er-son, Madison, MON-roe, ADDD-UMs, JacksonVanBurenHarrison, TylerPolkTaylor FIL-more. PIERCE! BUCHANAN! LINCOLN! JOHNSON! GrantHayesGarfield AR-thur! Cleveland, Harrison, ClevelandMcKinley, Roosevelt, Taft and Wil-SON! HardingCoolidgeHooverRoosevelt, Truman, Eis-en-HOW-er! Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, CarterReaganBushClintonBush.
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