FUF #36

Good morning, gentle readers. I'm feeling rather minimalist this morning. It don't take money, don't take fame. Don't need no credit card to ride this train. That's the power of FUF. (And honestly, if some fist-pumping Huey Lewis music doesn't get your morning going, then nothing will). Yes, friends, it's another Follow Up Friday. The 36th, or so says the title bar. I don't do math, but that seems like it would span quite a few months. So here we are, and I'm going to ramble a bit before we get to the so-hot-it's-almost-Mexican-food-plate-hot feature of Car Watch.

I wrote this week about being conscientious. I specifically mentioned that I let people into lanes even when they don't deserve it. The morning after I wrote that, a driver cut me off and made me brake more than a normal amount. I may have shaken my head a little, but I didn't honk or make any "What the hell are you doing?" gestures. As she exited a second later, I looked over at the car, and the driver had a middle finger there waiting for me. She was still looking straight ahead, but since she knew I was displeased, she wanted to make sure that I knew that she didn't give a shit. Let that be a lesson to you: if someone blatantly cuts you off, that means you're the asshole.

In that same post, I wrote about people not responding to my emails when I thought they should. I had a third part of that all ready to write. I found a website for a guy I was friends with in high school but lost touch with. I'm sorry, with whom I lost touch. Happy now? Anyway, my email was brief but said that I would love to hear how the last decade plus has been for him, I truly hope all is well, and nice things like that. I hadn't heard anything back at all, and I was a little frustrated by that because I thought my note was very nice. Before making it into my frustrated post, he did write back and was happy to hear from me. So he's off the hook, but Deborah Kleinpeter and that guy with the Sloan song I want are still right at the top of my list o' shit.

Someone was in our office earlier this week, and I heard him say on a phone call, "Yeah, he's still AOL." Judging by the context, he meant AWOL. He's a bright guy, so I'm guessing that he couldn't decide whether to spell out "A-W-O-L" or say "A-wall" and got caught in the unfortunate middle ground. Still, that's a big difference. A very big difference, actually, since corporate media giants and people who leave the armed forces without permission aren't too similar.

That reminded me of another similar thing I overheard a few years ago. A woman at an old job said, "Yeah, her teenage son has HD ADD." I give her some credit for trying to remember that ADD can have the hyperactive component, thus making it ADHD, but she screwed it up. Instead, I had the image of a crystal clear tv picture of a guy not being able to concentrate. Good times, good times.

Lastly, before the Car Watch that is, I wanted to announce a programming change for next week. My Bratty Kid Sister (BKS) is helping a fake brother out by posting for me on Monday. As you might recall, she wrote for me while my lovely wife and I were in Mexico for a week and did a kick-ass job. You're in excellent hands, but just in case you have any misgivings, allow me to illustrate how like-minded she and I are. This is an IM conversation I had with her on Google's chat thing yesterday before I took her out to lunch at a Mongolian bbq place as a thank you:

BKS: Countdown has begun!

me: This is my first gmail im thing EVER! I see broccoli in my future. I see...sesame seeds,noodles, and what's that? Oh yeah, overall yummy goodness

BKS: Wow I'm so happy to initiate you. I have been craving this for upwards of 4 days now.

me: we should start using "downwards," as in, "I've known him for downwards of two years." Speaking of which, maybe we can find an antonym of "nth"

BKS: Wha?

me: ya know, like to the nth degree .I'm thinking oth, pronounced like oath, but playing off the number zero since that's close to the opposite

BKS: Oh gotcha. I was confused. One time I accidentally said oneth when I meant first. I thought maybe I had told you that

me: that's indeed glorious. Like 'once' with a lisp. I can dig it

BKS: Anytime someone says "i can dig it" I always think of Whoomp There It Is.

me: Did you know that "Whoomp There It Is" and another song called "Whoot There It Is" were both in the top ten at the same time back in the day?

BKS: Shut up

me: The Whoomp variety was by Tag Team, and the Whoot one by 95 South. Gotta love the arts. I couldn't have written this any better myself: http://medicineshow.blogspot.com/2005/07/medicine-show-grudge-match-1993-whoomp.html

BKS: Whatever...it's all about Tag Team for me. Party over here. Party over there. Wave your hands in the air. Shake your derriere.

me: that's what it's all about

BKS: Exactly

See what I mean? You guys won't even know that I'm gone. I will be, though. We going to Big Bear for the weekend, and I won't have written a damn thing for Monday by the time I'd want to post for Monday rolls around.

And now the time has come for another Car Watch installment. Isn't that, like, totally rad and everything?

I saw a license plate on the 101 that read, "IVANA (Heart) U." Talk about casting a wide net. Seriously, is anyone that un-picky that s/he wants to love anyone who can read a license plate? Or maybe it's someone without the capacity to love who is saddened by that fact. "Honestly, I want to love, but...ever since the war, I haven't been able to let go enough to truly connect with someone." Ya know, that kind of thing.

BKS wrote in with something she saw. "Oh man this one was crazy go nuts. It was 'TUF2(picture of a hand)L.'" I've often wondered how people would use the hand symbol effectively on plates. When they came out with the heart, star, plus, and hand, that one always confused me. I guess it could be used as the number 5, but you could also use the number 5 in that situation and avoid confusion. Anyway, even though that plate's boasting the difficulty or slipperiness of the driver, at least it seems to be using that symbol correctly.

I saw a license plate frame that read, "Powered By Daddy's $$$." Unfortunately, I've gotten somewhat used to things like that. However, this one surprised me because as I passed the car, I noticed a guy driving it. Maybe it wasn't his, but that was the first time I've seen one of those types of stickers with a male. What's next, a guy with a "I Hate Barbie, That Bitch Has Everything" frame?

Rockabye wrote in saying he saw "BETIML8" on a plate. I'm too far on the early spectrum to handle this one correctly, but it seems to me that if someone knows that he or she is chronically tardy, maybe changing that behavior would be better than proudly acknowledging it. Again, I'm the wrong person to address this.

He also saw "SUPERQT" on a license plate. He knew what my question to that would be, so he followed it up with, "Not at all. 50 or so and was beautifully challenged." At least she has a healthy self-esteem.

Lastly, Rockabye saw a bumper sticker that proudly proclaimed, "I beat up mascots." I wonder if there was fine print below it that said, "I then go to jail for assault and battery or occasionally cruelty for animals when it's a real life mascot and not just some dude in a fluffy costume. Yeah, I have issues, and paying my debt to society doesn't relieve me of my insatiable desire to harm real and fake animals. Please keep a safe distance, especially if you're a mascot or one of those car-driving animals that I've seen in the movies. I hate those movies, by the way." He didn't get close enough to see if that was there or not.

Have a kick-ass weekend and Monday, my homepeople. Thanks again for taking over, BKS. Your real parents must be so proud.