Banana fana fo

Today is my friend Twilight's birthday (and as I found out while sorting through e-cards this morning, it's also Imagine Day to honor the brilliance of John Lennon on the anniversary of his murder). Whenever I first mention Twilight to people, their first question is, "Is that her real name?" Yes it is. Her last name was Schroeder when I met her, and that never seemed to fit well to me. The first name is a soft, hippie-ish name that conjures up images of nature, while the last name was a more abrasive German name that makes me think up images of harsh winters, animal pelts, metal mugs, and barely adequate heat output from a wood-burning oven. Solid name though.

Anyway, before Twilight married our good friend Dave, she was debating whether to take his last name of Robin or stick with Schroeder. I thought those two names matched up a lot better than the original two, but she was worried that Twilight Robin sounded like a porn star. "It doesn't sound like a porn star," I reassured her. "Much more like a porn actress still working her way up the ranks."

As the wedding date got closer, she decided that she would make the change and is now pleased with the decision. I think it sounds cool, and hope to actually spot a robin in the twilight sometime so I can comment on it and make everyone bust up laughing. (Yes, in my version of the story, that joke would bring the house down. Don't bring logic to my fantasy world.)

So in thinking about Twilight Robin on her birthday, I got to thinking about when we used to create our own porn names and soap opera names from tried and true formulas passed down from generation to generation. I'm certain that there are variations, but here's what I remember:

(Name of family pet) + (Mother's maiden name) = Porn Name

and

(Middle name) + (Street you have lived on) = Soap Opera Name

I think people should be allowed to choose what pet name and what street name sound best rather than limiting it to "first pet" or "street you grew up on." Therefore, you would be able to catch me in "Busty Cheerleaders 7" as Snowball Eisenberg. That rocks. Similarly, I'll be starring on the telenovela "Se Prohibe Amar" as Todd Gaviota. Or Todd Figueroa. Or Todd Camino del Sur. I hope to meet someone someday whose soap opera name would be Frank Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard.

My friend Greg's porn name would be Bootsy Feldman, while Dusty would be Snappy Young. I think my friend Scott would be Fonzie Horowitz, but I have to double check that. Regardless, I'm glad I thought of this today - it had been too long since I thought of my friends having sex on film for money. Thanks, Twilight!

Have a great weekend everybody.