FUF #17

This one goes out to the one I FUF.

If you couldn't tell, I was trying to recall REM's "The One I Love" there. With that real song, I usually make some joke about it being a song for an enamored Cyclops. My lovely wife then responds, "It's not 'one-eyed' love." I then feign surprise like that's what I thought it was all along. Alas, I guess there are no songs aimed right at Polyphemus or the rest of his lone-eyed clan.

Ready for loosely related stories, random shit, and Super Hydro Bionic Car Watch 12 Billion? What would a FUF be without those crucial components? Ok, it seems like ages ago, but I believe that it was just this past Monday that I wrote about facial hair and my different experiences with it. The end of each facial hair cycle always reminds me of a poem I once read by John Updike. With the amazing prowess of the internets, it was very easy to find for today's bit o' sharing:

"Upon Shaving Off One's Beard" by John Updike

The scissors cut the long-grown hair;

The razor scrapes the remnant fuzz.

Small-jawed, weak-chinned, big-eyed, I stare

At the forgotten boy I was.

I liked it when I first read it my junior year of college, and I like it now. Every single time I've shaved after a week or longer of putting it off, my eyes always look bigger and my chin weaker. That dude knew his shit.

A couple of days ago, I wrote about the word "regardless" and its untonym "irregardless." I received some comments and quasi backlash from that, with some folks pointing out that "irregardless" is not a word. As I mentioned before, the chief concern with a linguist is usage, and that has been used enough that it now appears in some dictionaries. Sure, the definition is quick to point out that it's not proper, but that is somewhat immaterial at this point. I bring this up to tell a brief story. I once had a coworker whose former roommate used to say "irregardless" all the time. It bugged him so much since it wasn't really a word that he started using "disirregardless" around the roommate to point out the stupidity. I think that's really funny. Do you? Well then, there's no need to be rude about it.

Random thought: How sad is it that I can't write "disgruntled" without thinking of "postal worker" right after? I'm not alone in this, right? That sucks for postal workers to have that adjective permanently ascribed to them.

My mother-in-law wrote to ptklein@gmail.com and lived to tell about it, so maybe you all should try that out to. In her email, she mentioned her intense dislike for certain phrases. Being particular with words myself, this seemed right in line with some FUFfing. Many or all of us are aware of the term "June Gloom" for the overcast weather that sometimes happens in this month. However, she told me that she has now heard people refer to both "May Gray" and "July Fry." I can't decide, are those stupid or idiotic? It's definitely one of the two.

I wrote this week about professor Frank McConnell at UCSB. My brother wrote in saying that he pictures Dr. House when reading about him, and that's not a bad image at all. However, he was more portly and older than Sr. Casa. I don't know how many of you will catch my Harry Potter reference, but Professor McConnell was much more Mad-Eye Moody than Dr. House. In fact, I pictured him with every scene before the first movie that his character was in. They did a good casting job, because it's not super far off.

I had a conversation with a woman over the phone this week that will be hard to write about, but bear with me. I knew her name was Sara or Sarah. When writing down her contact information, I asked, "With an H?" "Yes, but I answer to both," she replied. I paused, and then said, "That's very funny - I'll have to remember that one." An hour later, I told my boss, and he said, "That's not very funny, but it sounds like your sense of humor." I said, "It's EXACTLY my sense of humor." "But still not funny," he added.

I was talking to my increasingly-lovely wife yesterday while she was driving home. "Where are you now?" I asked. "I just turned on Louise," she said. I made some joke inquiring about what she did to turn on Louise. She thought I meant that she "turned on" Louise in the sense that she was no longer on her side. Then she realized that I had meant it sexually, and it changed the tone of the conversation a little. It was cool to see how the phrase "turned on" took three different meanings in a matter of seconds. I might just love this language after all.

Happy Fun-Time Car Watch 3.141592653589!

Rockabye saw a puzzling bumper sticker: Sugar Happens. Well, I suppose so. Is that what real goody-goodies say when things go bad? Do those same people stub their toes and yell, "Fiddelsticks!"?

Our homey Riley wrote in after seeing, "Don't Follow Me, I'm Lost." I've seen it before, and it really rings true with me. Despite a very good memory for useless shit, it seems that I'm missing the directional gene. If there's a caravan of any sort, you won't find me in the lead.

Sacky Christi wrote in to tell me about something she spied in traffic. There were two lovely ladies who Christi estimates were in their late 60s or early 70s. The license plate frame on their 90s model Caddie: "Bingo Players Do It Til They Blackout." It's rare for something to be simultaneously clever and a bit off-putting, but this accomplished that feat with ease. It certainly wasn't on-putting, I can tell you that.

Speaking of "that," that's all for this week, folks. I hope you have a wonderful weekend, and don't forget to write in with stuff about stuff for a FUF (or a whole post even).