In honor of summer, I am compelled to mention a name from my past. I attended Pinecrest Elementary School in Van Nuys with one Summer Winters. A very nice young lady, her parents decided to make a statement when naming her. Namely, "We're hippies." I guess they mellowed slightly by the time her younger brother was born, because they opted for Cole as his name. I have a theory that they almost went with Cold, but someone talked them into altering it at the last minute.
Gentle readers, I'm going to be blunt: I expect a lot of comments on this post because everyone - everyone - knows or knows of people with strange or funny names. Just a week or so ago, I was sitting with some folks at dinner when one mentioned knowing a Paige Turner. That name could totally fly under the radar if you're not paying attention. Same with Alexa Kahn, who I've mentioned once before in this space. I'm not entirely sure that her parents know they named her after a reference book.
While working in the university system, occasionally boredom would lead me to look through the names of students who had passed through those halls before and after me. Two in particular stood out that I can still recall. One was someone of (I can only assume) Native American descent with the last name of Broken Leg. With a space and everything. The other was a guy named Klondike Steamboat Steadman. A Google search for that name tells me that I remember the spelling correctly too. To me, those are just cool names, and I'm sure you have some to share with the rest of the class.
There are many names that sound good in one's native language or country that don't quite work out so well here. Those are rather unfortunate and are not the faults of the parents at all. For example, who knew that upon moving to the U.S., the name Titiporn wouldn't sound as pretty? That's a real tough one, because I can't even think of a nickname she could go by to ease the transition.
Speaking of nicknames, there are some names out there that make you say, "Come on, you had an option to go by something else there. What the hell is wrong with you?" I worked peripherally with one Dick Bush, for example. You're telling me he couldn't save himself half the giggles at his expense by choosing "Richard" or any other nickname for it? Honestly, man.
Somewhat off topic but in the same ballpark, I've met a pretty high number of people named after months. There has been a January (who went by Jan), an April, May, June, August (a guy, which surprised me), and a December. A Julie too of course, but I don't think that counts. Can any of you fill in the gaps there? I know Valentine's Day is in February, but I sure hope people aren't named that because it's not the prettiest word out there. Hmmm, October Klein has a nice ring to it. He could go by Toby...I like it. Do people named after months have to be born in those months? It would seem so, but I can't imagine all of the Aprils in the world were born in that month. Then it just gets confusing. October "Toby" Klein though...I really think I'm on to something here.
Writing about this topic reminded me of something: I was one of those people with a weird name to some people. Please allow me to 'splain you. My junior year of high school, Dusty and I were somehow hanging out with a group of young women that were all friends of our friend Jon's friend. Basically, that means we didn't really know any of them at all. We were all hanging out and laughing, and somehow it led to one of the ladies asking what my last name was. "Rabbit," I said matter-of-factly. They all started to laugh. "Go ahead, laugh. I've heard all the jokes already. My parents were cruel, get over it," I said with a completely straight face. They stopped laughing immediately. One girl spoke: "Holy shit, your name is really Peter Rabbit." They dropped the subject after a minute, and seizing the opportunity of being in front of dumb and gullible people, Dusty and I proceeded to talk about his made-up movie career. It was a great night.
About six months later, I was telling that story to a small group of people. Afterwards, one person said, "Wait, I've heard about you." "What?" "I went to school with those girls; so you're the Peter Rabbit they talked about?" I was thrilled that they bought it so completely, and honored that they had been telling other people. Of course, being a teenage boy, I then immediately started worrying about what they were saying about me, but that's beside the point. I was famous, and with a fake name to boot.
So, my most gentle readers, have at it. Who knew a Candy Barr? Who knew a September Jones? I want double-digit comments with this one, because I just know you have a funny name in your brain dying to get out. Let it go, friend, let it go.
I'll see you here tomorrow for my (gasp) 20th FUF piece. And remember, ptklein@gmail.com is just a click away for anything about anything.
18 comments:
Ok, I'll be the first to get you on your way to double digit comments. You mentioned months of the year for names, but what about days of the week? I went to junior high with a girl named Sundey. So, it's not spelled exactly like the day, but it's pronounced the same...
My high school principle's name was H. Dick. We all called him Harry (tho it was really Henry). We also had a Cany Kane there. As you may have heard before, I always wanted to change my last name to Eous when I was a kid. Then I would have been Miss Elayne Eous. My father could have been Mr. Eous. Also, when I was pregnant, I toyed with names for the child like Dee Klein, Rhee Klein, and N. Klein. You should be very glad you ended up with Peter.
Cool guy from back in my high school days.
His name?
Tony White.
Not funny?
Until you find out that he was the only black dude out of 1500 at my high school!
Sacky Kevin
That's unfortunate for Mr. White. It's like the opposite of Alexander Pope who was persecuted for being Catholic. Kinda hard for him to disassociate with that.
Happy Solstice!
Ah, I've always wanted to know a Dick well enough to ask him why. But, then again, it would mean I would have to get to know a Dick and that seems problematic.
As far as odd names, my father went to school with a Brooke Trout and my sister was friends with a Fancy Free. Fancy had a brother named Scott.
We also had a Tinuviel in high school. Extra points for anyone who knows where that one comes from.
On the famous front there is Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette and Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee.
Lets not forget two of our baseball friends - Coco Crisp and Milton Bradley.
And, my daughter's dental hygenist is named Sundey - I wonder if it the girl Amber went to school with?
Last note - the only April I knew was born in August.
Christi - I'm not sure what would be more interesting, if it were the same Sundey or if there were two people with that name...hmmm... Her last name was Dilberg or Dilbert or something like that. And she had straight dark hair. But last names and hair can change and I haven't seen her in at least 15 years...
Oh, and Peter, we won't be having a son named October. Sorry to disappoint you!
A technician calling into my office said his name was Brick. When I had to call him back I found out his last name was Wall. Brick Wall. I asked him if he had siblings with catchy names and he told me his parents went normal after him. Recently I ran into an old classmate of my daughter's, Charlie. She was now married and her husband's last name is Brown. So she is now Charlie Brown. Gotta think those things through before you get married.
Charlie Brown! That is classic. Peter knows a girl names Ozzie and she married a guy whose last name is Osbourne. No joke! I don't really have a funny name story except for my own. Telling people over the phone that my name is Kevin Klein sometimes gets them to think that I am Kevin Kline the actor. It has gotten me better times for a Dinner reservation and hotel room upgrades. Not too shabby.
I do know someone named Steve Martin. He is black and not funny.
Then there were three girls that I went to school with that have perfect Porno Movie names - Michelle Gruntz, Teena Touch and Nicole Stroke. Does that count?
Laynie,
I hate to break the news to you, but by marrying Mr. Eous, you wouldn't be Miss Elayne Eous. You'd be Mrs. Elayne Eous, or possibly Ms. Elayne Eous to sound closer.
Thank you for not naming me Dee Klein, but I think Steep N. Klein would've been pretty cool if you had thought of it. Since Amber's already rejected October, maybe I can slip Steep through the harsh approval process.
I said I wanted to change my name to Eous when I was a kid, not marry into it. You stand corrected, my dear.
O.K - are you ready???
In graduate shool, I took a class from a psychologist whose last name was Docter. We had to call him Dr. Docter.
Amber's allergist is married to a gynocologist named Bonnie Beaver.
And,there was a M.D whose last name was Tush. (I can't remember his specialty.)
I went to school with a Holly Wood and a Sandee Beach - my Dad knew a Sandy Shore. In high school there was a girl named Harmony. I thought that would have been a great name if I were a twin!
This one is more sad/stupid than punny. I have a distant relative whose parents named her Jeffrey. She (obviously) hated it and changed it to Susan.
Lastly, I knew someone who wanted to name his son Justin Tyme.
Melodie
Hello son of mine. A guy I went to junior high school with was named Art Korse. Robert Schmuck was a customer of mine. Your mother worked with a young man named Shirley Temple Davis and a woman named Anna Graham. A member at MountainGate is named Les Wachs (more polish?). That's all my meager brain can handle.
Pop
Oh - one of my friends dad's was Sandy Beech. His kids had nicknames to fit - Rocky and Pebble.
And for the classic WTF? - what about all the people who have named their kids ESPN or Espie?
Is this a record? 15 comments, now 16 including mine which I guess counts.
Fo sho, Sue. Although this is my 3rd comment, so I kind of feel like I'm padding my stats a bit. I'll use this one to publicly apologize to my mom for erroneously calling her out on the whole Miss/Mrs. thing. Mom, you've been right all along, and I was a fool to second-guess you.
I'll add to your total. Catching up late, but here goes:
I went to school with a guy whose middle name was the special treat. His name was Justyn. He was a long labor. His mom named him Justyn Thyme.
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