FUF #20

You don't know what it's like. No, you don't know what it's like. To FUF somebody. To FUF somebody. The way I FUF you.

Hello, everyone. Some of my eagle-eyed gentle readers might notice that today is "FUF #20" when last week was "FUF #20" as well. As I noticed this morning, there never seemed to be a #19. I don't know how that happened, but I just skipped it somehow and jumped to 20. I changed it back so this could be an accurate FUF count. I'm not good at math, people.

And I doubt any of you are this eagle-eyed, but I neglected to mention yesterday that it was my 150th post. Crazy shit going down at the UOPTA pad. As always with the FUFfing, I have some random stuff to talk about before launching into the wildly popular Car Watch.

First off, some of you might remember that on Wednesday I wrote about the board game called "Apples to Apples." For those of you who don't remember: lay off the weed. Anyway, my good friend Lisa knows that my lovely wife and I enjoy that game, so she did what any one of you would've done: she bought us "Apples to Apples - Jewish Edition." We flipped through some of the noun cards because we were understandably curious, and it's the strangest thing. A lot of them are what we expected, being either names of people (like "Sarah") or Jewish things (like "matzos"). What we didn't see coming were cards like "Tyrannosaurus Rex" and "Zucchini." I think it goes without saying, but we're gonna be playing it very soon (i.e. tonight) to see what other surprises that box has in store.

Here's something that made me laugh aloud quite heartily. I was out to dinner on my birthday with a group of friends, and we were having a merry ole time. Near the end of the meal, the waiter came over to my chair and said, "Your birthday surprise will be out in just one minute." My initial reaction was a Jon Stewart-like "Whaaaaaaa?" But then I realized how funny that actually was and laughed pretty hard for a minute. Dusty suggested that the "surprise" part would come into play when the waiter would come back in two minutes instead of one.

Did you hear that sound? It was me forcefully switching gears. My mom sent me an email about one of the word things that I've subjected all of you to in the past. She pointed out that "boned" and "de-boned" confusingly mean the same thing. If I'm not mistaken, "veined" shrimp means that the veins have been taken out. Instead of launching into some rant about other words that either follow or dispel that pattern, I'm just going to say that those words are pretty messed up and I don't like them one bit.

Hey, what's the opposite of "dispel?" Let's try something: There were murmurs that Kobe Bryant was unhappy with the Laker organization, and his trade demand only served to pel those rumors. I like it!

Let it be known throughout the land: Peter cares so much about words that he whispers sweet somethings into his lovely wife's ears.

Car Watch! (Spoonerized, that's War Catch...eeenteresting.)

I saw a plate on the freeway that read "DRK SOUL." I had two thoughts about that. First, that's pretty sad, so I probably wouldn't want to advertise it. I guess "BLAKND (Heart)" was taken. Second, without a vowel in the first word, it could be "Dork Soul" or "Dirk Soul," in honor of either Mr. Diggler or Mr. Nowitzki. Maybe that guy isn't so bad after all.

Similarly, my co-worker Rob and I saw a plate that read "SATEN." I said, "Look, that car has 'Satan' on the plate." "How do you know they're not trying to say 'Satin' instead?" he asked. "Because A is closer to E than I is," I said. We both looked off into space for a second, and then he said, "No it's not." "No, it's the same amount of letters away, isn't it? Damn." My point was invalidated, but I still think I was right.

Within the course of two days, I saw cars for people who would hate each other. One had "PEAC PLZ" as a plate with similarly-themed bumper stickers. The other had "Give War a Chance" and "First Iraq, Then France" as bumper stickers. Ah, Los Angeles; truly something for everyone.

I saw a license plate frame yesterday on the 405 that really confused me: "Just What You're Looking For" was on the top. I can give you 100 guesses as to what the bottom said. Seriously, 100 and you wouldn't guess what it said unless it's referencing some movie or show I don't watch. "Basil," it said on the bottom. That's apparently what I'm looking for. If I actually were though, ya know, going to the market to make pesto or something, that frame would freak the shit out of me. Good thing that wasn't the case, because I wasn't in the mood for shit-freaking.

On my way home from work, I was behind a little coupe with "LITIJUS" as the plate. You bet your ass I kept a safe following distance from that guy. Nothing says "Don't tailgate" quite so clearly as "I like suing people." Nice touch, buddy.

My dad saw a plumbing truck with very professionally-done lettering and graphics on the side. It read, "Complicated Jobs Is Our Specialty." Really? I thought it would be "Grammer" like that tutoring company from last week.

My dad also saw a plate that read "ULBLAFN." It took me a long time to realize that it said "You'll be laughing." When I got it though, I wasn't laughing. I was thinking, "You're wrong, car; I'm not laughing. In fact, I think it's pretty egotistical of you to assume that you can predict my emotions."

Rockabye sent in "TRFKH8R" that he saw on a motorcycle. I hate traffic too, but I don't have the luxury of going in between stopped cars like that guy, so I would humbly suggest he stop his whining.

My lovely wife saw a bumper sticker on a pickup truck that proudly proclaimed, "My Carbon Footprint is Bigger Than Yours." Now I'm not Al Gore or anything, but I'm pretty sure the whole point of that metaphor wasn't tied to boasting about size.

Last but not least, I saw my initials of "PTK" on a non-vanity plate. I hardly ever see that, and this time it happened on my birthday. That made me smile, so I'm giving it the prized anchor spot of this edition of Car Watch.

Really last but not least, Happy Birthday to Katy, the daughter of Sacky Kevin and Sacky Christi. She's 4 today, and if memory serves, 4 was a good year for me.

Have a great weekend, gentle readers. I hope June was good to you, and I'll see you back here on Monday as I continue my story from Thursday. If you think of anything worth sharing over the weekend, ptklein@gmail.com is just a click away. Then you have to type though, so it's not as easy as I first made it sound. Sorry if I led you on.