Senior moments

Yesterday, I wrote about the benign little games my friends and I would sometimes play in class in high school. There are more, gentle readers, and I doubt that comes as any surprise to you. I want to be clear about something first: we were all good kids. We did well in these classes and the teachers liked us. The little things we did to amuse ourselves and others were way under the radar.

That reminds me of a quick story related to that. As I believe is customary, my high school had end-of-the-year superlatives for the senior class. First, ballots came out to all seniors in which people had to write in names of who they thought should "win" these honors. Then, a revised ballot with the top three finalists went out. Basically, I used the first ballot to put cheerleader Jaime's name on all of the ones associated with looks and didn't pay much attention to the others. I think I put her down for "Best Looking," "Best Smile," "Best Body," and "Best All-Around." Ya know, just in case they later revealed who put what and she was so touched that she decided she could date someone from my social status. (As it turns out, she really was a nice and well-rounded person and Dusty and I ran into her a couple of years ago on a plane. She spoke to us and everything.) The "Best Buddies" category was tough because it was for just two people, and Jon, Dusty, and I were all super-tight.

When the next ballot came out with the top three choices, I was pretty shocked by the results. Not only did Jaime not appear in every single category, but I actually did in two of them. It was a big surprise to see my name and Dusty's in the "Class Clown" category along with a guy named David that we knew. I had never thought of myself like that at all, and I'm certain that my teachers were surprised to see us on there too. I always thought of class clowns as the loud, obnoxious guys who knocked books out of nerds' hands or something. The pun-making sneaky-funny guys didn't fit that bill at all for me. We saw David (who actually fit that bill a little - the loud part at least) in the hall later that day, and he told us in all seriousness that he wanted the crown badly and we were going to lose.

The other category I was in the top three for surprised me even more, come to think of it. It was "Most Talented," and I was unbelievably honored and humbled that even one person had thought to write my name on that line. At the time, I had been in a play and on the improv comedy team, but I thought of those activities as just having fun with my friends. I had written a lot of hopefully-comedic pieces for the yearbook, but that hadn't come out yet, so no one was taking that into consideration. I was pleasantly confused by the nomination though. Fellow actor Adam was in the top three with me, along with a guy whose name I didn't recognize.

Then the big day came. I know it's a cliché that is usually a lie, but I really was pleased to just be nominated. It would've felt good to "win" one of the categories, but I also would've felt a little out of place in either of them. If I "lost," I would've liked to see Dusty and Adam win their respective categories. The final results became public: Jaime only won for "Best Smile," and I thought about demanding a recount. My buddy Rockabye got "Best All-Around," which was fitting since he was on a bunch of sports teams, did well in school, and everybody liked him. For "Class Clown," David beat out the two of us, most likely because he'd been campaigning for the two days leading up to the final vote. For "Most Talented," the third guy beat out the acting duo. Oh well.

Dusty and I shrugged off our defeat, and upon leaving the class, ran into David who was celebrating like a madman. "Yeah! Take that!" he yelled. We looked at each other. "Really?" we asked ourselves. I guess it's good that David won, since I can only imagine the frustration and anger that would've come from a disappointing defeat at the hands of apparently unworthy adversaries. I asked a friend who the "Most Talented" guy was since I didn't know his name. "Oh, he's on the football team. He only has one arm and plays wide receiver." Yeah, I think that race was over before it even began.

So, gentle readers, that was my experience in the competitive world of senior superlatives. I really think I could've won if those pesky Swift Boat Veterans had stayed out of it. Oh wait, that wasn't me. Disirregardless, it really was an honor to be mentioned in the same breath as those who truly embodied their categories.

Happy Tuesday, folks. Enjoy the day, and remember to carve out 60-180 seconds to write to ptklein@gmail.com with salutations, thoughts, Car Watch items, recipes, superstitions, lyrics, jokes, monologues, descriptions, or even insults. Beggars can't be choosers, right?