In honor of summer, I am compelled to mention a name from my past. I attended Pinecrest Elementary School in Van Nuys with one Summer Winters. A very nice young lady, her parents decided to make a statement when naming her. Namely, "We're hippies." I guess they mellowed slightly by the time her younger brother was born, because they opted for Cole as his name. I have a theory that they almost went with Cold, but someone talked them into altering it at the last minute.
Gentle readers, I'm going to be blunt: I expect a lot of comments on this post because everyone - everyone - knows or knows of people with strange or funny names. Just a week or so ago, I was sitting with some folks at dinner when one mentioned knowing a Paige Turner. That name could totally fly under the radar if you're not paying attention. Same with Alexa Kahn, who I've mentioned once before in this space. I'm not entirely sure that her parents know they named her after a reference book.
While working in the university system, occasionally boredom would lead me to look through the names of students who had passed through those halls before and after me. Two in particular stood out that I can still recall. One was someone of (I can only assume) Native American descent with the last name of Broken Leg. With a space and everything. The other was a guy named Klondike Steamboat Steadman. A Google search for that name tells me that I remember the spelling correctly too. To me, those are just cool names, and I'm sure you have some to share with the rest of the class.
There are many names that sound good in one's native language or country that don't quite work out so well here. Those are rather unfortunate and are not the faults of the parents at all. For example, who knew that upon moving to the U.S., the name Titiporn wouldn't sound as pretty? That's a real tough one, because I can't even think of a nickname she could go by to ease the transition.
Speaking of nicknames, there are some names out there that make you say, "Come on, you had an option to go by something else there. What the hell is wrong with you?" I worked peripherally with one Dick Bush, for example. You're telling me he couldn't save himself half the giggles at his expense by choosing "Richard" or any other nickname for it? Honestly, man.
Somewhat off topic but in the same ballpark, I've met a pretty high number of people named after months. There has been a January (who went by Jan), an April, May, June, August (a guy, which surprised me), and a December. A Julie too of course, but I don't think that counts. Can any of you fill in the gaps there? I know Valentine's Day is in February, but I sure hope people aren't named that because it's not the prettiest word out there. Hmmm, October Klein has a nice ring to it. He could go by Toby...I like it. Do people named after months have to be born in those months? It would seem so, but I can't imagine all of the Aprils in the world were born in that month. Then it just gets confusing. October "Toby" Klein though...I really think I'm on to something here.
Writing about this topic reminded me of something: I was one of those people with a weird name to some people. Please allow me to 'splain you. My junior year of high school, Dusty and I were somehow hanging out with a group of young women that were all friends of our friend Jon's friend. Basically, that means we didn't really know any of them at all. We were all hanging out and laughing, and somehow it led to one of the ladies asking what my last name was. "Rabbit," I said matter-of-factly. They all started to laugh. "Go ahead, laugh. I've heard all the jokes already. My parents were cruel, get over it," I said with a completely straight face. They stopped laughing immediately. One girl spoke: "Holy shit, your name is really Peter Rabbit." They dropped the subject after a minute, and seizing the opportunity of being in front of dumb and gullible people, Dusty and I proceeded to talk about his made-up movie career. It was a great night.
About six months later, I was telling that story to a small group of people. Afterwards, one person said, "Wait, I've heard about you." "What?" "I went to school with those girls; so you're the Peter Rabbit they talked about?" I was thrilled that they bought it so completely, and honored that they had been telling other people. Of course, being a teenage boy, I then immediately started worrying about what they were saying about me, but that's beside the point. I was famous, and with a fake name to boot.
So, my most gentle readers, have at it. Who knew a Candy Barr? Who knew a September Jones? I want double-digit comments with this one, because I just know you have a funny name in your brain dying to get out. Let it go, friend, let it go.
I'll see you here tomorrow for my (gasp) 20th FUF piece. And remember, ptklein@gmail.com is just a click away for anything about anything.
